A Certain Senator Probably Got His Dick Sucked On After Taking This Photo On Valentine's Day Years Ago

My goodness, Mitt! You see, people shit on Valentine’s Day all the time. They hate it. “UGH! LOVE! I HATE LOVE AND EVERYTHING ELSE EVER! UGH!” Not me. I recognize that love is what keeps us going in old age.

We’ve all heard the tales about grandparents who were married for 50 plus years. After heart problems, Papa passes gently in the night. After waking next to Harold for 50 years, Nancy reaches over to gently wake him and his body has gone into complete rigor mortis. Stunned, she screams. His body has started to admit gasses in the room. It’s foul and smells like,,,,,, death.

She attends the funeral and then dies three days later. After she dies, rigor mortis sets in almost as a biological shoutout to her lover who went into rigor mortis just 4 days before. That’s love.

That’s what Mitt Romney is showing here whilst lying on the street inside a heart which is the universal symbol for love. He’s saying, “Baby, your titties are straight up poppin. I wanna be with you until rigor mortis sets in. You’ll die first. I’ll die second. We will then be in heaven together forever and make love until the end of time which isn’t a thing because of eternity.”

There’s no better day to say all of that anew than Valentine’s Day. Also, I bet Mitt brings a HAMMER and GIVES IT.

Look at the size of that family! Good lord. Looks like the end of a fucking Dunder Mifflin commercial. Congrats to all the Romneys.