The Dude Who Makes Harmless Videos On Pornhub Needs To Be Stopped

This guy Ryan is tearing up Pornhub. Nate blogged about him last month when he first burst on the scene. Since then its been nothing but more innocuous bullshit all across the pages of Pornhub. What I figured was just 24 hours of fame and a clickbait headline grab has turned into a Reign of Platonic Terror splashed all across my the Hub. Making the bed and doing chores for chicks and shit:

He’s cleaning up. Racking up the views, up into the millions now. He’s probably cashing in because he’s signed up the same way all the other “models” are.  So hes getting his money from the ad revenue generated by his views. And this is where I gotta put my foot down. I cant sit by and let this shit happen. Ordinarily, in literally EVERY other walk of life, I am 100% down for Snake It Til You Make It. Cant Knock The Hustle. You found a loophole and you can game the system, more power to you. I’m the guy who thinks that counting cards and insider trading should all be legal. I also dont think offsides should be a thing in sports. I think everyone should be free to do what they want to do if they’ve found a way to gain an advantage. Very laissez-faire. I dont even fuck with the Invisible Hand. Just let the people run wild.

But this? Ryan Creamer cashing in using the same platform as the girls who literally give their blood, sweat, tears and other fluids to entertain us? No. Absolutely not. Thats a fucking tragedy. Can you imagine being some girl who did so much anal on Pornhub she almost died and you look up at Pornhub rankings and you see fucking Mitchell from Modern Family ahead of you because he made a video doing the dishes and disinfecting the Casting Couch??? Imagine being one of the girls who took 30 loads of Russian dudes to the face to get the same traction as this asshole holding hands with his girlfriend???? A 30 car pile up bukkake all up on your face and Ryan fucking Creamer is technically capitalizing on the same Pornhub partnership?? I mean just THINK about Eastern Europe. Do you know what goes on in Eastern Europe? They have glory hole walls with fake plastic dicks that cum like a fucking fire hose. Girls get blasted and knocked over, skidding across the floor and flying backwards into the wall and shit like they are protestors in Birmingham, Alabama circa 1963. And THEY are technically in the same business as RYAN CREAMER? Cmon, man. That aint right. This is one of the great injustices of our time. Like the Flint Water Crisis just got knocked off the top of the list as far as I’m concerned. We need to stop this, for the good of the girls who provide us with endless hours of free entertainment. I mean I can see a scenario where the Pornhub Performers go on strike over this shit. I’m not sure if there’s a players union for Pornhub but if there is, they should be furious. If there isnt, I volunteer as tribute. I will represent you hoes who nearly give your life to make a few pennies per view. Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled asses! We will put an end to this Ryan Creamer madness or at the very least make sure you get a better rev share than this son of a bitch and his mundane ass videos. I’ll do this shit pro bono. All I ask is for a Pornhub Premium account.