Subway Showdown - Guy Getting His Eyebrows Tweezed vs Dude With Boxes Of Live Pigeons

Pigeon Man

VS.

Eyebrows on Fleek

Now you’re in NEWWW YORRRRRRK! Concrete jungle with derelicts smuggling live pigeons undergrouuunnnddddd, theres nothing you cant dooooo! I honestly dont know which is worse, to be honest, but I do know that these 2 represent all that is bad about NYC. On the one hand you’ve got Pigeon Man, who needs to be locked up for life on account of Pre Crime. Smuggling live pigeons in a cardboard box on the subway is one of the most open and shut Pre Crime cases I’ve ever seen. Transferring them from the big box to 2 smaller boxes as if you’re packaging them up or distributing them or something? Guilty. Grabbing pigeons from a box blind like that as if you’re just fishing around the washer machine grabbing your stray socks? Pre Crime. Whatever this man plans to do with these pigeons, no doubt its part of a larger, more nefarious plan. Either those pigeons are gonna end up mutilated or a few humans are…its your choice De Blasio. Send out the Pre Crime Patrol and stop the Pigeon Man Tragedy from happening.

And then we got this pretty boy asshole. Passed out taking up 2 or 3 seats while his girl fucking tweezes. You gotta be fucking kidding me, man. This is one I don’t think I’ve ever seen, and I thought I had seen every type of gross asshole behavior on the subway. It’s not quite as disgusting as the people who cut their nails on the subway but it’s right next to it. Primarily because of how goddamn unnecessary this is. I mean on what planet do you HAVE to tweeze your eyebrows in public while you nap? Bottom line is all grooming/hygiene can wait the 6 minutes until you’re at your stop. You dickheads.

So who ya got? I think semantics is important here. “Bigger threat to society” is way different than “bigger asshole.” Which person am I afraid of is different than which person do I hate the most? I personally am very afraid of Pigeon Man but my anger burns WHITE HOT for Sleeping Beauty. He’s harmless whereas I think Pigeon Man is capable of mass murder. So I guess we just have to hope that when Pigeon Man goes on his murderous rampage, Sleeping Beauty is in his path. What an asshole that guy is.