Chad Johnson Broke the Story of Roger Stone's Arrest Because of Course He Did

Like most of you, I woke up to the news Roger Stone was being arrested at his home in Ft. Lauderdale. Like some of you, I wondered who Roger Stone is. Since he’s not an athlete, a coach, a character in the Marvel Cinematic Universe or a BBC Timelord, those who do know who he is and why this matters have me at a disadvantage. But since an arrest is involved, I assume it’s somehow related to Trump.

What I didn’t assume is that some former Patriots player would be basically breaking the story. But this morning when I rolled out of bed and the news was talking about it and you asked to guess which Patriot be a neighbor eyewitnessing and live-reporting this thing, I probably would’ve guessed it was Ochocinco.

Some guys just live their lives in some slightly alternate reality where everything is just slightly … off. Like an X-Files character that Mulder proves actually exists in a different dimensional plane and only breaks into ours when some weird energy brings him here. Having a major news figure (of some sort) arrested in front of you on your morning jog is something we’d never hear of happening in front of someone more normal, like a Kevin Faulk or a Matt Light. But Chad Johnson, absolutely. That’s So Ocho.