Creep Olympics Part 2

Disclaimer: This is less of a “Part 2″ and more of a “Part 1.5″ 

About a month ago, I heroically exposed an abundance of my gender’s creepiest cretins and horniest hooligans in the First Annual Creep Olympics. After deviously luring hundreds of girls into my DMs, I came to the conclusion that some men are so uncontrollably desperate for female companionship that they’ll sacrifice every ounce of their integrity to try to achieve it. Anyway, here’s some of the best (worst?) submissions that didn’t make the cut for the original blog:

 The “Why Did He ID Me For Buying Cold Medicine?” Award 

“Nothing weird … as like a favor “

The next time I’m a couple White Claws deep, I might fuck around and double dog dare one of my boys to text the last girl he kissed.

 …….and we can cuddle

A Harry Potter chapter worth of horniness and not a single punctuation mark in sight.

“One…two..thr- damn that’s crazy — there’s only two stars out tonight.”

Aaaaaand the pedophiles are back.

“Great”

“Thanks”

Death. Taxes. Rodrigo currently being in federal prison.

Hark thou fair maiden, may I trouble you for some tiddy? 

The Optimism Award

Yes, fingers crossed this doesn’t accidentally sound creepy.

“The Purple Pickle Award” for Persistence on the Battlefield

“I tried talking to you before”

He was one reply away from proposing. The ring was purchased and everything.

The Key Holder

 “The E.E. Cummings Award” for Horniest Poet

 The “Millennium Force Award” for Fastest Rollercoaster Conversation

The Football Fan

“I meant like hobbies”

“what do u think”  – one year later

 The “I’m Not Reading That But I Fully Trust That It’s Insurmountably Creepy” Award Winners

The “Where’s Nemo?” Award 

He’s actually asking some extremely valid questions.

The “B.F. Skinner Award” For Horniest Use Of Reverse Psychology

“The George E.P. Box Award” for the Horniest Attempt at Using Statistics to Increase Your Chance of Acquiring Pussy

“The Steve Jobs Memorial Award” for Saddest Use of Emojis 

“The Dr. William Scholl Memorial Award” Winners

I’m sorry for being creepy when I was drunk. Anyway…your sweet breasts.

“Now show bob bitch”

The “How Did She Pass That Up?” Award Winners

The First Annual “Randy Turner Award” for Simplest Man of the Year

All jokes aside, “My iPad is at 69% … couldn’t help but think of you.” is an incredible line.

“Known for great conversations”

Hey love still tied up to the pole in my basement?

The “Title Nine” Award Winner for Top Female Performance 

*Heck

And I feel the need to bring back this classic.