Condoms Are OUT In 2019: Raw Dog Only

I think I know why this is happening. Now, correct me if I’m wrong here because I’ve been out on the condom game for a while. Im married so I dont need em. But, before I was married I would use condoms. I know. I know. That’s a shock to you.

“Chaps! Chaps! We thought you went hog wild with your hog untamed by the ropes of latex! What gives?”

I can understand why you’d think that. I’m a rustic man with a dick and oats that needed to be sown. But, lest we forget, safety is paramount in the bedroom. I’ve always been cautious about getting HIV or genital warts, so I would wear a condom. In fact, I wore a condom for years when I was just playing with myself. You can never be too safe when your semen is potent as a potable.

“Then why are we off of condoms in 2019 if they are so good?”

Truth be known, some of my friends have reported to me that they forget to take their trash out after they have sex with a condom on. If you are having lots of sex, that can lead to lots of condoms in your toilet-side trash can. Eventually, the smell of your old cum will waft through the air like a bucket of chum on a fishing boat on a hot Caribbean Day. Stinky nut!

If that happens to you one time, you are done with condoms forever. I know I was. I’ll never wear another condom nor will I eat the imitation crab salad sandwich from Subway. The smells are too close. That’s all I’ll say because it’s still early in the morning.