A Homeless Guy In San Francisco Brought A Dead Raccoon Into A McDonald's And We Got LEGENDARY Play-By-Play Commentary Of The Entire Situation

*NSFW Language*

Me after watching that video:

Truth be told, I saw this video making its rounds on the internet yesterday and decided not to watch or blog it because I figured who the fuck needs to watch some crazy homeless guy dining on a dead raccoon in the middle of a Mickey D’s? But today I had a hankering for some weird ass #content and remembered that I did voluntarily watch and blog about a guy masturbating with a McChicken only two years ago. So I hit the play button and boy am I glad I did. Not because the homeless guy stole the show or anything more than the literal headline of this blog happens. But because that was pretty much the greatest commentary I have ever heard. I never knew I needed color commentary of a homeless guy bringing a dead raccoon into a McDonald’s, but suddenly my life feels a little more complete after hearing that performance. I don’t know if they have already finished up the rest of the Barstool documentary (available ONLY on Barstool Gold). But if they still need a narrator, I think this guy can Wally Pipp the fuck out of Tommy Smokes. If this guy doesn’t have a desk at HQ by next week, Portnoy will have missed out on the next, albeit very different, Jenna Marbles.

While the guy recording and narrating that entire funky ass scene while BEGGING for the cops to get called is clearly the MVP of the video, you have to the silver medal to this (homeless? nature loving? neat freak?) guy for carrying the raccoon out of the McDonald’s.

There is no McDonald’s employee on the planet that would be willing to toss out a dead raccoon leaking blood everywhere, even if it meant getting a promotion from mopping the floors to doing the fries. Money is temporary, but rabies are potentially forever.

As somebody who has been shamed by residents of San Francisco for calling it San Fran (along with Donnie, Big Cat, and likely countless others), let me just tell those people to shut up. You cannot have people bringing dead raccoons into your McDonald’s and then acting holier than thou about what nicknames are/aren’t acceptable for your city. Especially when you have a line forming to order without a care in the world about the homeless dude in the corner sitting at a table with a dead raccoon.

For as fucked up and sensory deprived as New Yorkers are because of the city around them, none of them would willfully sit around if some bum walked in and set up shop with some dead road kill, no matter if it was in a McDonald’s, a bodega, or even the subway. I don’t care how bad you are fiending some McNuggets dipped in that glorious Sweet & Sour Sauce. That’s just an awful look. Clean it up, San Fran because I can guarantee “Homeless guy brought a dead raccoon into a McDonald’s” wasn’t even close to the weirdest call you got that night. And also burn that McDonald’s to the ground. Or at the very least throw that dining table into the bay for Christ’s sake.

UPDATE: You are officially crazier than anybody in this video if you pay whatever it costs to live in San Francisco these days.

CC: @KDTrey5