I Think I Might End Up On "My Strange Addiction" For Eating Chapstick

I’ve been trying to make my half birthday a thing for my entire life. It’s so extra that no one has ever actually let me celebrate it in any kind of legitimate way. This year, however, was the year. I threw a half birthday party, and my mother actually got me a present. This is what I got:

Oh my god. Lipsmackers chapstick. Oh my godddd. Do you know the kind of clout I would have had in middle school if I’d had this bad boy? Now, I don’t know if you know this, but lipsmackers chapstick is fucking delicious. It not only smells exactly like what it’s supposed to, but it tastes like it too. I brought my strawberry starburst flavored one to work today and I’ve had to reapply it 17 times because I keep licking it off.

If I keep going this way, I’m going to need to be checked into rehab or something. But it’s so goood, I can’t stop. I now have a bed chapstick, three office chapsticks, a chapstick for every purse, and for every coat. All is not going to be well. They’re going to have to pump my stomach whenever I stop being subtle and start just chomping straight into the meat of the chapstick. And trust me, that’s coming.