Joe Flacco Could Learn A Lot From Offset About How To Win His Job Back
Its been a tough week for my two favorite things in the entire world- Cardi B and Joe Flacco. First, Cardi got publicaly cheated on by Offset just like Flacco got publicaly cheated on by the Patriots in the playoffs when Belchick took advantage of some rules that the comptition committee simply hadn’t gotten around to making penaltys yet. And then Flacco got benched in favor of a younger, more flexble, faster, hotshot himself in Lamar Jackson, while Offset was seduced and basicaly entrapped into cheating with Summer Bunni when she made him horny.
But each one is a case study in diffrent ways to approach losing your job and how you should go about getting it back. Flacco has kept his mouth shut and just tried to support Lamar, while Offset has prove himself to be a man of action, tweeting about her, suprising her onstage (different then trespassing because hes famous), and enlisting the help of John Mayer to write a song asking for her to take him back.
Its funny because every analyst is dicsussing the Lamar Jackson experment like its neer going to work longterm and like Harbaugh just sampled the goods of a younger stud while Flacco was out of town for the weekend and got addicted to the thrill. Deep down inside Coach knows that Joes the stable partner he needs to be with longterm, but Flacco needs to do his part as well. Can you imagine if Joe Flacco just ran out onto the field with Jacoby Jones, Torrey Smith, and Anquan Boldin holding a sing begging John Harbaugh for his job back? Make a little highlight reel of Rahim Moore falling down in the AFC divisional game. Matter of fact would it kill John Mayer to make a video for Flacco as well? Maybe to the tune of your body is a wonderland. John Mayers name literaly means toilet king so i’m sure he just needs a couple burritos and he’ll be able to crank out some sappy song complaning about how much it stinks for Flacco to be a number 2.
But the point is, Joe Flacco has been playing it too classy which isnt a suprise for those of us who know him through his blog, which hasnt been updated in over a month. Flacco blogs less then I do at this point and its concerning. Some may see this as taking the high road but if he dosen’t say or do anything to get a second chance soon, Harbaugh- as much as he hates to admit it- will just think he’s moved on.
The other possbility for Flacco here is to play hardball and neg Harbaugh by asking for another huge contract extension. Its so crazy it might work but you treat your coach like dirt he’ll stick to you like mud. It worked up in Green Bay for years.
On farther inspection its not completely insane for Flacco to ask for another 5 years 125 million given his recent sucess. He’s made his mark as the best backup QB in the entire league in terms of winning percentage this year. The only thing thats Offset about Flaccos game right now is the language in his contract and that can be negotiated. Here’s the thing about Flacco- hes won a superbowl. He has a ring. That ring on his finger should be asybol of his commitment to the team. When your in a relationship like Cardi and Offset your committed. You share the same STDs and likewise the Ravens should love Flacco unconditonaly warts and all.
But its more than likely that Harbaugh needs to be impressed by some grand public display of affection and remorse from Joe. Flacco and George Soros need to team up and ship in a bunch of protestors to crash Harbaughs press conference next weeks tilt verse the Chargers and beg him to take him back. Convince him to get one more last shot and he promises he’ll never do anything to break his trust again. This should be a easy victory for the Ravens considering Keenan Allens banged up and the Chargers will be force to rely on there tandem of wide receivers I call Williams Sonoma, because Mike and Tyrell are expensive pieces of equipment you can only cook with once or twice a year. It would be the prefect fit for Flacco, since they need someone who is a dual threat in terms of being able to beat you from the pocket, or from just barely outside the pocket. Anytime your QB scrambles too close to the sidelines there in danger of catching whatever disease RG3 has where your legs develop the consistency of cotton candy that’s been marinating in Rob Ryans stomach bile. Flacco stays in the center of the field, meaning side judges eyes are way less distracted when there on the hunt for potential pass interference penaltys to call.
The simlarties between Flacco and Offset, and Cardi B and John Harbaugh are striking. You could even describe his style of play compared w his lifestyle as “bad and boujie” repsectively. Cardi B is alot like John Harbaugh hen you think about it. Shes known for her relationships w a brother, so just like Cardis self-admitted gang history Harbaugh owes alot of his success to his Blood connections. Cardi B backed that dump up for Offset, and Harbaugh backed up the Brinks truck for Flacco.
Offset was famous for Cooking up dope with an uzi just like Flacco earned himself some major lettuce with that gun attached to his shoulder. Cardi B put that brain on Offset, and if you count the suitcases filled with little green portraits of Ben Franklins head he carrys around, Flaccos defnitely gotten alot of face from his coach.
Lets not throw away all that history over a little missunderstanding. You need to fight for what you want Joe.