Some Idiot Asked A Woman Why She Needed Two Laptops At Airport Security And It Turned Into A Big Gender Debate

I’ll take… “things that didn’t happen that way” for $200 please, Alex!

Have you ever met someone in the airport security line who asked you a question about your personal belongings? Me neither. That’s a place where everybody puts their heads down, takes off their belts and shoes and tries to get to the other side like they’re fording the Rio Grande under cover of darkness.

But let’s say, for the sake of the two women still reading, that she is telling the truth. Having separate laptops for astrophysics and artificial intelligence is stupid unless you’re afraid that robots will become self-aware by learning the constellations. As though Orion’s Belt is the key to the robot revolution. As any computer owner will tell you, there is one reason and one reason only for traveling with two laptops: one is for work/civilian life, the other is for porn. And I’m talking BAD porn, too. Hard drives full of the dirtiest, most depraved sexual scenes on earth. Stuff that even Zah wouldn’t have sold to his high school classmates in Zimbabwe. Eye-watering stuff, in both senses. And you can tell which laptop is which based on their appearance. That work computer is pristine, with a keyboard cover whose keys tap silently as you write your emails. Next door, your porn computer has served as a tray for PB&Js and fragments of crust have wiggled their way under the spacebar. Whenever you need to pause a scene for cleanup, it sounds like you’re stepping on a rice krispie treat. That laptop is the decrepit crack den on a block full of nice houses, driving down the value of the neighborhood because the owner grabs his paper every morning with his wormy dick poking out. You can’t have that poison leaking into some calendar invite for lunch with Jeannie who heads up the northeast regional accounts. She’ll think you’re a bad guy!

If you value your blood pressure, don’t dive into the responses to this tweet. It turns into some kind of weird, all-out gadget/academic dick measuring contest. Look at some of these fuckers:

Employed AND doing doctoral work? Where do you find the time, man?! Let’s all bow down and give BloodSpite the elbow-padded sweater he deserves.

Great. Kinda seems like something not worth mentioning then.

Cool, Paul. Sounds like you’re a real straight shooter. Cameras, laptops, and “strange science equipment” (your words)? Let’s table the gender bias discussion while we check Paul’s tool shed for his “family.”

Hey Princess T Cat, if you’re plunking a Dell desktop monitor onto the security belt, you’re going to get a second look. That’s their job. Sweet hashtags though.