BREAKING: Lindsay Pelas Goes Paddleboarding

[Editor’s Note: This is solely a Clickbate Smits production. All about the content, pageviews, and jokes!]

MY OH MY OH MY! That ocean vessel is in for one helluva ride! Lindsay you silly goose! There’s no need to straddle that thing like you’re about to ride a horse or even darker stallion! You gotta STAND to master the paddle board! Using the paddle helps, too! Oh well! Why is this “BREAKING” news, you ask?!?!?! I don’t know, either! All I do know is that paddle board had better have said its prayers! It’s in for a battle of the seas…and SQUEEZE!!! Get it? She’s going to break that thing in two with those powerful thumpers! At least she’s got some help if something goes wrong! No, I’m not talking about her natural “Flotation Devices”, sir! She appears to be certified as a lifeguard!

Alexis, Em, and now Linds! How on Earth are we working so diligently to cover ALL the Pulitzer Prize worthy IG model beats?!?!? I guess we just are better and more creative than everyone else combined! Do I actually believe that? Maybe! Because that’s what the PAGEVIEWS say so that’s what we’re going with! Just in time for the end of the year bonuses, no less! All hail the almighty PAGEVIEWS!!!