Can We Get Some Cute Bras That Don't Fall Apart In The Wash, I Mean Damn

Oh, hello there! I know what you’re thinking…

“But Kate, why do you care about bras? You don’t even have boobs.”

Well that’s ugly & you’re wrong. Somewhere lost inside this decade-old discount Kohl’s sweatshirt I’ve got two lovely ones, thank you very much. I just keep them under the radar. For mountain-confusion-avoidance reasons.

More & more I dabble with not wearing a bra at all because as I stated above, I wasn’t blessed with a set that actually need support. Every day I strap one on, struggle to adjust it to a semi-comfortable spot & know it’s really there for no reason outside of “it’s a social norm”.

In my case it’s like putting chock blocks under the wheels of a tiny two door Geo Prism on flat ground that has the brakes + E brakes on. Unnecessary. Where are those wheels goin’? Nowhere.

Live look at my boobs when I jump or jog or do any type of activity:

And right now those unnecessary bras of mine are in dire shape. Why? Because I hate buying new ones…

First off – Not the most original thought but blaghhhhh, it’s a pain to find the right one. You can walk into a dressing room with 20 of ‘em & walk out of the store empty handed & frustrated. And even the ones that make the cut wind up letting me down… I’ve got a cornucopia of various sizes in my drawer & only two of them make me happy. There are other bras where if it’s laundry day & that’s all I got it literally starts things off shitty.

“Fuck, I gotta toss on the loose-strapped one that rubs my ribs & has wacky cups that make me sweat & leave a cavernous space above my tits for some reason.”

Delightful.

Second – People who don’t wear them (RE: Most Dudes) don’t realize how damn expensive they are. I know it only cost like $5 to make but we get charged $60+ for it? I’ve read articles that say almost all bras are hand-made but even then I highly doubt the workers making them are the ones seeing the benefits of this price gouging. (Total speculation but I’m sticking with it because I’m stupidly stubborn.)

And for the high prices we pay – WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY SUCH A PAIN TO TAKE CARE OF?! I should be able to run my sparkly, overpriced 34B over with a bulldozer & it should be fine when I peel it off the pavement. Instead I accidentally toss it in with my other clothes one time & when I open the washer door both straps have been stretched beyond repair by a rogue hoodie that sucked them into it’s massive orbit.

Or the sexy, fancy detailing has fallen off after only a couple wears.

Or the edges start to fray after only a few months & long strings hang out of my sleeves & I don’t notice until I see it in a photo.

Or the underwire gets bent out of shape yet somehow unable to bend back into shape… I could go on.

So could someone please make an affordable bra that I can treat like garbage like the rest of my clothes because it’s not fair that we’re stuck with this burden & also I’m just extremely lazy. And for the women who actually need bras to holster those big’uns, I feel for you. You probably have to budget for bras each year… Taxes, car insurance, bills, boob holders.

Hand wash & hang dry < Toss in washer & dryer with all my other junk so I can spend time doing more important things like finding self-worth through getting 'likes' on Twitter

In the end the only validation I really want right now is to feel heard by the lingerie companies. Help me out here. Affordable, washable, wearable. PLEASE!

**Side note: If you’re a guy reading this, welcome to the ‘Chicks’ page of Barstool (I prefer the term ‘Broads’ but whatever). Genuinely glad you’re here (but if you’re triggered by breast related talk 1) Grow up & 2) I hope you never get to enjoy any in person.).