I'm Aware That I Look Like This Regretful Porn-Watching Masturbator

So the Barstool Sports Instagram posted that video last night and I just knew I was going to get tagged a billion times and I did.  People were tagging me all night asking if I was the regretful porn-watching masturbator. My official statement on the mater is that it’s not me. Does it look like me? Yep it sure does. Like I said, as soon as I saw Barstool post it last night I said, “Hey that looks a whole lot like me” but it’s not me. It appears to be a clip from an old MTV show or something. I don’t know how to prove to you that it’s not me other than you taking my word.

I have a million doppelgängers. Everybody knows that. They’re all over the place and people tweet them at me all the time. There’s almost too many to list at this point. Some of them I don’t want to claim because they watch child porn or other bad shit but this guy? The regretful porn-watching masturbator? I’m good with claiming him. Because guess what? It would be disingenuous for the Trent Doppelgängers Association not to claim him because I too watch porn and masturbate. I do it all the time. Do I feel regret afterwards? I mean who doesn’t but I just feel like I have to sometimes. So I’ll be damned if I’m gonna sit here and make fun of my doppelgänger brethren. Keep on keeping on brother. We’re with you.