BREAKING: People's 2018 Sexiest Man Alive Has Been Announced And The Winner Will SHOCK You

[Editor’s Note: This is solely a Clickbate Smits production. All about the content, pageviews, and jokes!]

PEOPLE – Sure, he might have already received the title of Order of the British Empire for his services to drama — but Idris Elba has now been crowned Sexiest Man Alive! From his breakthrough role in America as drug kingpin Russell “Stringer” Bell on HBO’s hit series The Wire to his commanding portrayal of Norse God and Asgardian gatekeeper Heimdall in Marvel’s Thor franchise, the British heartthrob, 46, has become one of Hollywood’s biggest — and sexiest — stars. So what did Elba think when he first heard about his latest title? “I was like, ‘Come on, no way. Really?’” the actor tells PEOPLE in this week’s cover story. “Looked in the mirror, I checked myself out. I was like, ‘Yeah, you are kind of sexy today.’ But to be honest, it was just a nice feeling. It was a nice surprise — an ego boost for sure.”

Congrats to Idris for being named the Sexiest Man Alive! Angela and Kelly Kapoor were correct in thinking this man meat of a paper manager was prime, Grade-A material! However, as Lord Portnoy’s #1 apostle, I must state the obvious that it’s truly a SHOCK El Presidente didn’t take down this crown! It’s now basically a sham honor! Everything was coming up Pageviews as our fearless leader was chosen among the world’s most 100 handsome faces, and now People magazine doesn’t even have David “Hercules” Portnoy in the well deserved mix for Sexiest Man Alive?!!?!? If they give it to Bradley Cooper, they should give it to everyone who looks exactly like Bradley Cooper, too! For shame, People! For shame!

All hail the true winner: Our Golden God of hair, looks, and PAGEVIEWS! Go Pres Go! Go Pres Go! Go Pres Go!