Rush Hour 4
Yeah, Rush Hour 4… That is what I called the Mayweather vs. Nasukawa fight this weekend… Staged, mildly entertaining, and the black guy stole the show. I am not going to talk about that sideshow for very long because it is ancient history by now, but I am going to talk about a bunch of other shit.
Still, this is primarily going to be a boxing blog, so for those who hate the sweet science, look away after this thicc slice of basketball cheesecake.
Regarding Mayweather vs. Tenshin- I called it “staged”, but many others are calling it fixed because they felt either Floyd’s blows didn’t hit flush, or that Mayweather doesn’t have knockout punching power.
Maybe it was fixed… I don’t think it makes sense for the Japanese promoters to do such a thing, but what do I know? But for those who doubt whether or not Floyd can knockout out a defenseless guy 20 pounds lighter than him, just remember what happened to a talented and equal weighted Victor Ortiz when he dropped his hands…
Tenshin was just as easy to hit.
And for the hosts of random viewers and/or boxing purists who fault Floyd for taking this fight in the first place, I say: “You are all out of your fucking minds.”
Most of the people reading this blog are men, so I ask this question: “What would you do for $9,000,000?”
I assume the answers may vary… Starting at, “I would suck the skin off a guy’s dick.” and ending simply at, “Anal.” But I know everyone reading this instead of bartering between ways to lose their homosexual virginity would gladly take $9 million under the following terms…
1.) You have to beat up an annoying little Asian fella 20 pounds lighter and 5 inches shorter than you.
2.) This diminutive lad kicks people for a living but is not allowed to kick you.
3.) You’ll be done in less than 3 minutes.
4.) Your travel expenses to and from the Far East and first-class accommodations are covered. However, room service and in-room movies are on you (sorry).
You don’t fucking jump at the chance?… Of course, you do.
And you know who else did?… That scumbag, Cassius Clay.
A couple of Coming to America notes before I continue:
- Coming to America is a Christmas movie.
– James Earl Jones and Madge Sinclair played the King and the Queen of Zamunda and also voiced King Mufasa and the Queen Sarabi in The Lion King 6 years later in 1994.
– Hollywood is inexplicably making a remake of The Lion King… JEJ is reprising his role as Mufasa, but Alfre Woodard will be voicing Sarabi this time out. Hollywood insiders say that Woodard was tabbed as the replacement primarily because Madge Sinclair died of leukemia in 1995.
– That’s Cuba Gooding Jr in the barber’s chair… And it just so happens that he turns 50 years old today. Happy Birthday, I guess.
– James Earl Jones had the most mesmerizing bangs ever recorded on film when he was in Conan the Barbarian (which is also a Christmas movie).
Back to Cassius Clay… There are obvious connections to be made between this weekend’s match and Muhammad Ali vs. Antonio Inoki in 1976, and there were also similar comparisons to Ali/Inoki before Mayweather vs. McGregor last year.
For those who weren’t paying attention, the Ali money-grab matched Inoki (a pro wrestler) vs. Ali, and it was also held in Japan. Without getting into the specifics of the thing, somebody was supposed to lose this bout as a worked match (similar to WWE), but it didn’t work out that way. Instead, the 2 combatants gave what is considered to be one of the most boring contact sports exhibitions ever seen. Inoki spent 15 rounds mostly on his back attempting to kick Ali, while the boxer tried to avoid the kicks and screamed at Inoki to get up and fight.
The “failed” spectacle made both participants a lot of money.
An estimated 1.4 billion people watched it, and the fight played a role in the history of mixed martial arts, particularly in Japan. The match inspired Inoki’s students Masakatsu Funaki and Minoru Suzuki to found Pancrase in 1993, which in turn inspired the foundation of Pride Fighting Championships in 1997. Pride was later acquired by its rival, Ultimate Fighting Championship in 2007.
I realize that I used the real names “Masakatsu Funaki” and “Minoru Suzuki” in the paragraph above, but I could’ve just as easily said their names were “Rokusaburo Michiba” and “Piston Honda”, and nobody would’ve known the difference.
“But Large… Everyone already knows about Ali vs. Inoki, and those who don’t, probably read about it on other more generic sites in the days leading up to Floyd vs. Tenshin.”
That’s certainly true… But I also brought up the Inoki fight so I could highlight an exhibition on that undercard that actually got it right.
Even though Inoki vs. Ali was universally regarded as an epic failure on an entertainment level, the undercard was absolute magic. It was shown on closed-circuit TV and it featured “The Bayonne Bleeder”, Chuck Wepner vs. Andre the Giant. The bout, scheduled for 10-three minute rounds, and was broadcast from Shea Stadium in scenic Flushing, NY. In a gross mismatch, Wepner conceded over 12 inches in height and over 200 pounds in weight… The 6’5″ Wepner looked like a fucking child beside the massive bulk of the wrestler from Grenoble.
I watched the black and white footage of this fight, and it was everything Mayweather/Ali/McGregor/Tenshin/Inoki wasn’t. Andre came straight out at the bell, long curly hair flying, arms swinging low at his side like a fucking ogre. He fought with a leer on his face from start to finish… Probably because he was drunk.
The end, such as it was, came after 1 minute 15 seconds into the third round when Andre head-butted Wepner, then picked him up from behind, put him into an airplane spin and chucked him out of the ring.
Wepner was unable to make it back to the ring in time, and he was counted out. But when he did finally re-enter, Chuck jumped on Andre and a wild free-for-all between the rival corners began.
Maybe this blog gets back to the Mayweather camp, or any other fight promoter, and they learn a little something from Wepner/Andre. If you’re going to stage money-grab exhibitions, then go all out.
I would pay $50 to watch Tyson fight a black bear.
I would pay $50 to watch Jenna Jameson bang a black bear.
And finally, and I am not sure there is a market for it, but I would take $9,000,000 to “wrestle” the skin off of a particular appendage of this (or any) black bear.
Think it over (Golden Boy), and take a report.
-Large