PETA Says Milk Is Racist or Something

(Note: I think we’ve all forgotten how dominant mid-90s Yasmine Bleeth was. It’s a crime that her greatness is now largely lost to history.)

Source - PETA has claimed that milk is the drink of ‘white domination’ and is used as a symbol by white supremacists.

They are the largest animal rights organisation in the world and according to a blog post drinking milk is “the perfect drink of choice for all (even unwitting) supremacists.

The article emphasises their goal is to wake people to the consequences of choosing to drink milk, citing examples of violence the dairy industry uses with the animals. …

“If you feel that all life should be free of violent control, choose soy, almond, rice, cashew, or coconut milk the next time that you go shopping or order coffee. With so many different types of cruelty-free, delicious milks on the market, opposing supremacists has never been easier.”

Goddammit, milk! Thanks for nothing. Just when I thought maybe, just maybe, America was ready to come together in harmony, milk has to come along with it’s creamy, calcium-rich white supremacy. Just bovine mammary glands spewing vitamin-A intolerance all across the heartland.

And don’t think for a second I’m letting the white supremacists off the hook, either. Like they haven’t already been the source for most of the problems in our history, now they’ve ruined the wholesome goodness of delicious milk. And made us complicit. Now every time I pour milk over my bowl of Cheerios, I’m committing an act of Honey Nut Hatred as part of an imbalanced Aryan breakfast of racism. Fucking redneck assholes.

So thanks, PETA. Once again you emaciated greenish little pixies have pulled back the veil from my eyes and made me see the light. I’m looking forward to a bright, rainbow future where we all live out of lives in peace and acceptance by reaching for your foul, nut-based, vaguely milk-like substances. All our problems are solved. Hallelujah.