You May Not Like It, But This Is What The Ideal Beer League Beauty Looks Like
Matte helmet. Tinted visor. White mitts. Tongue flop. T-Blades. And to pull the whole look together? My man is rocking #69.
I know a lot of people out there are going to be giving this guy some grief over his set up. I mean even his own boy is chirping him on snapchat here. But every team needs a guy like this. This is what peak beer league performance looks like. Because a guy like this is a guy who you know is going to show up to every game. Think about your beer league team. Think about how many guys you have show up to a 9pm puck drop vs the amount of guys who show up to a 10:30pm puck drop. If your beer league team is like any other beer league team in the world, chances are that half your squad is going to be missing for that later slot. But not this guy. Not this legend right here. This man lives for beer league and for beer league only. He’ll show up to the rink an hour early just to tape and re-tape his twig 5 different times. He’ll show up to the rink an hour early just to browse around in the pro shop because he’s a total gear whore. But he won’t buy anything because nothing in there is custom. The puck could drop at midnight and he’ll still be there ringing shots off the glass during warmups just to make sure everybody can hear how hard his shot is even though it’s just super loud in an empty rink.
And clearly he’s never going to be the best player on the ice. Guys who are filthy in beer league always seem to look the worst. I guess they just don’t care about what they look like because they know they’re going to put up 5 and 2 regardless. But what this guy lacks in skill, he completely makes up for in heart. And in beer league, I’d argue that heart is more important than skill. Sure this kid may fuck up a bunch of times trying to pull off a move he saw in a Pavel Barber YouTube video he watched on his way to the rink. But he’s always going to keep the boys energized on the bench and he’s always going to try his hardest out there. That energy is contagious and all of a sudden, the boys are buzzin. And it’s all thanks to this guy right here.
So call it a tool. Call him a gear whore. Call him a bender or whatever you want. But just know that deep down in your heart, we all know that we have to call this guy a legend.