Glowin' Up For A Fancy Event With ZBT & Wedding SZN

Tomorrow night the ZeroBlog30 crew will be at the The Headstrong Project gala (they provide post-9/11 military veterans with excellent, free, no-strings-attached mental health care in cities around the country) & as excited as I am, that means snazzing up in a dress & heels which isn’t exactly my strong suit.

I’m also in my wonderful cousin’s wedding in Indy this weekend (shout out Kim & Nick & apologies in advance for the bad dancing) with a bunch of lovely & stylish ladies & my bridesmaid dress is beautiful but my see-through-pale-reddish skin… not so much.

Like a sign from the heavens I was thinking about this when I passed a new spray-tanning spot in my neighborhood. I’ve never done the kind where a person sprays you themselves, but I did hop in one of those machines that shoots out tanning stuff right before senior prom & accidentally scrunched my face & gave myself a tan unibrow. Nerves aside I decided to go for it this morning.

First of all, it didn’t occur to me I was gonna to have to go full nude if I didn’t want to ruin my bra & underwear but luckily they had a drawer of throw-away thongs & I may have smuggled some away in my backpack (you never know when the need will arise). Then she came in & I had to give her the shamrock tramp stamp disclaimer that crushes my soul a little every time…

“Hey, quick heads up… when I turn around you’re going to know I make poor life choices.”

Thankfully she turned out to be an Eagle’s fan so it’s safe to assume she’s seen a few classily-tatted buns before.

According to PBS Newshour, ‘indoor tanning in the U.S. is a nearly $5 billion per year industry, providing a backbone for close to 19,000 small businesses across the country… To put this in perspective, there are 5,000 more tanning salons than McDonald’s fast food chains in America.’ Maybe I just zoned them out over time because I wasn’t going to them, but I had no idea tanning was still such a huge thing. But I think I might be into it now… I gotta say the lady was lovely (gave me a discount for being a Birds fan, didn’t judge my tatt & contoured a fake cleavage for me to trick the gents) & it’s really nice to have coworkers say, “wow, you’re glowing” without being knocked up.

Just hope I didn’t go overboard.

Tanning aside, if you know a vet in your life who might benefit from talking to someone anonymously & without the fuss of endless paperwork or frustrating bureaucracy check out getheadstrong.org. What I’ll look like at the gala pales in comparison to the amazing work they’re doing. (Eh, eh?)