CHUCKY STRIKES!!!
*Turns on Guilty Conscience narrator voice*
Meet Rashaan, twenty-nine years old
Fed up with his job and the way things are going
He decides to subtweet Jon Gruden
But once he is done, Gruden turns into Chucky
And suddenly, Rashaan is reduced to ash by his coach
Lets. Fucking. Go!!!! Myself, like pretty much every other human on Earth that is not a Raiders fan, has been waiting for legendary shade master Jon Gruden to start getting salty and killing his own players. I thought it would take a year for the honeymoon of a 10 year, $100 million to wear off. But here we are in Week 7 of Year 1 and Emperor Gruden has already ethered one of his own and I fucking love it.
I don’t blame Gruden though. He just coached a game where he saw his team get their dicks kicked in by the Seahawks so thoroughly that the Raiders never even entered the red zone before dropping to 1-5 on the season. Not to mention that game also took place in London, so Gruden has had to deal with jetlag of going from jolly ol’ England all the way to the California as well as all the terrible “(Losing Team of London game) should just leave (name of coach of the dumpster fire that lost the London game) in England” jokes.
In fact that second part may explain Gruden’s next quote.
Oh hell yeah. This isn’t just Gruden against the guys in his locker room. This is Gruden against America. Just the way Al Davis liked it. Sure Al Davis would also like a pass rushing freak like Khalil Mack getting after the QB and would haaaaaaate a quarterback that pussyfoots with his passes around the line of scrimmage like Derek Carr.
But it just feels good to have the Raiders making headlines again, whether they are good, bad, or absolutely terrible. The Autumn Wind is a Raider, pillaging just for fun. He’ll knock you ’round and upside down, and laugh when he’s conquered and won. Or it will be the team all the other fanbases laugh at and feel better because it’s not their team making the comically bad decisions. Tomayto, tomahto. The song remains a banger, though.