NFL Power Rankings - Week 5 (Special Guest Ranker: Big Cat)
POWER RANKINGS TIME! We have Big Cat guest ranking this week all of the 1-4 teams. The NFL is insane this year and after the Top 8, ranking the teams has gotten rather difficult.
EDIT: Please yell at me, per usual, if you’re mad online.
BIG CAT (#6 1-4 team): Jon Gruden is trolling us at this point. After their loss Sunday he actually had the balls to say they need to pressure the Quarterback more. I’m convinced that this is now some elaborate Shia Leboof art installation. The deconstruction of an NFL franchise and Gruden is going to do a naked periscope where he watches QB film for 48 hours straight while people can spit on his visor.
*Pause*
So yeah anyway, Jon Gruden also runs like an absolute weirdo.
BIG CAT (#5 and #4 1-4 teams): You’d think I’d have Cardinals one slot ahead of 49ers because they beat them this Sunday head to head in San Francisco. Well, you’re wrong, I have them ahead of the 49ers because the Bears have already played the Cardinals and I need the Bears strength of schedule to stay as strong as possible so that we can make a BCS Bowl this January. Get ready for primetime Beathard people, it’s coming whether you like it or not.
What a weird team, right? The Bills, at times, look like hands down the worst team in the NFL, but they have now beaten two pretty decent teams. If they stop getting absolutely worked every other week, I will have to move them up.
SIDE NOTE: This was the only team I slotted in the middle of Big Cat’s rankings. They just don’t belong higher than 29, sorry Bills fans.
BIG CAT (#3 1-4 team): Here’s how the rest of the Giants season will play out. They’ll be in every single game and two-thirds of the time they’ll lose by a possession due to an inexplicable coaching decision, Eli Manning turnover, or Odell Beckham outburst. Every single week the narrative will be “Can the Giants put it all together?” or “Will this be the week the Giants’ offensive weapons start clicking?” This will lead them to a 6-10 final record leaving them 1 single game out of first place in the NFC East (The Eagles win the division at 7-9). They’ll probably even win this Thursday night just to hook everyone back in on their bullshit.
BIG CAT (#2 1-4 team): Andrew Luck, back. Frank Reich, ballsy. TY Hilton, remember that time he cried after dominating the Jaguars hours after his wife gave birth to his daughter? That was awesome. The Colts are my “whatever” team. And by that, I mean I don’t think anyone has a strong opinion on them whatsoever. Are they good? Andrew Luck is, I think. Are they bad? Yeah, they kind of are. Do I care? Nope, not at all. If you somehow had Scott Hanson and Andrew Siciliano never show another Colts highlight for the rest of the season on Red Zone I don’t think I’d notice. I still believe in Andrew Luck for whatever it’s worth (probably not a whole lot).
BIG CAT (#1 1-4 team): I can’t quit Matt Ryan, Julio Jones, and Dan Quinn. If I were ranking the entire NFL, not just the 1-4 teams, I’d probably have the Falcons in my Top 10. That’s how stupid my fucking brain is when it comes to a team that wears sweet jerseys, scores a ton of points, and plays in the NFC South. I do the same thing with the Saints even if they’re bad. And so, you know, the Falcons are just waiting to put it all together, horrific defensive injuries be damned. So yes, Atlanta is 1-4, but do you remember when they went to the Super Bowl like 18 months ago? Exactly. They’re easily the best 1-4 team in the league and I’m fine admitting it’s almost all due to things they did in the 2016 NFL season.
The Broncos are behind the Seahawks, a team they beat, but they looked so dreadful against the Jets that I docked them some slots. Case Keenum finally tossed his first touchdown since Week 1, though, so that’s nice.
That was a tough loss at home this weekend for the Seahawks, but there’s no shame in pushing the Rams to the limit. This Mike Davis guy at running might be good, but it’s hard to see the Seahawks sticking around in the NFC Playoff picture.
Another weird team, the Jets have dominated in their two wins and looked like garbage in their three losses. Even with the big win, they didn’t let Sam Darnold loose, something you have to expect them to do sooner or later.
Punting from your opponents’ 42-yard line on 4th & 1 in overtime was an interesting move for Jason Garrett. Even with the tough loss, the Cowboys are still in the hunt with the NFC East being pretty terrible so far this year.
Another overtime win means the Texans move up in the rankings. DeAndre Hopkins is just an absolute monster, but they need to hope Deshaun Watson starts taking fewer hits because he gets absolutely pummeled on the field each week.
The Lions now have back-to-back wins over premier quarterbacks on good teams. I can’t quite figure them out, but it seems like there is a chance this team, which seemed dead a few weeks ago, can’t compete in the NFC.
I was a big believer in the Buccaneers after the first two weeks of the season… but I am starting to feel like an idiot. Maybe Jameis Winston will bottle up some magic after Ryan Fitzpatrick fizzled out, but I am not sure it’ll happen following their ass-kicking in Chicago.
Uh-oh, the Browns are close to being a real team! They’re the first team in NFL history to be tied at some point in the 4th quarter in all of their first five games. Even with that stat, they’re only 2-2-1. They’re getting better, but they need to learn how to close because they probably should be much higher in the standings right now.
SIDE NOTE: They have a league-best 15 takeaways this year after only 13 all of last season
Everyone is sounding the alarm of the Eagles’ demise, but I am not quite there yet. They need to drop down in the rankings, because they haven’t played a complete game yet this season, but their second half against the Vikings should supply some hope that they’ll right the ship.
After a promising 3-0 start, the Dolphins have responded with getting trashed by the Patriots and then a blown game in Cincinnati. I don’t really know what to expect from here on out, but they’re set to host the vaunted Bears defense next week and that could spell doom.
The Redskins went into Monday Night Football with a chance to take commanding control of the NFC East… but that didn’t happen, at all. They got completely worked by the Saints and are now grouped with the rest of their struggling division.
Let it be known that I speculated the Ravens might not be as good as people were saying as they went into their game against the Browns. The defense is legit, for sure, but the offense, which had only feasted on bad teams before the game, just didn’t look good whatsoever.
Another week, another bizarre game for the Packers. Following a wild loss and failed comeback against the Lions, the Packers get what should be an easy win against the 49ers before their big Monday Night Football matchup in Los Angeles against the Rams.
Are the Steelers back? I feel like they are back. They beat the shit out of a Falcons team that had been in each previous game this season. They also are expected to get back LeVeon Bell in a few weeks and will be able to pair him up with James Conner.
Another strange team, the Titans found a way to lose to the Bills after three straight wins over the Texans, Jaguars, and Eagles. Following their awful loss, Tennessee will now get some real tough tests with the Ravens and Chargers coming to town before their bye week.
It’s tough to figure out how good the Chargers are because their three wins have come against three of the worst teams in the NFL in the Bills, 49ers, and Raiders. They weren’t really in their games against the Chiefs and Rams, but I do think they for sure have a Top 10 team.
The Vikings followed up a heart-breaking loss to the Rams with a solid win over the Eagles in Philadelphia. It wasn’t a must-win, but it was pretty close and now, at 2-2-1, they should be able to build back up with games against the Cardinals and Jets.
Three of the Bengals four wins have been clutch wins, with big-time plays and comebacks in the second half. For a team that usually crumbles under pressure, the Bengals look like the class of the AFC North heading into their game against the Steelers.
Their win against the Bengals keeps the Panthers ahead of Cincinnati, but they moved up the rankings thanks to plenty of teams losing and Graham Gano’s leg. This team is still battling some injuries but should be in good shape by the end of the season when they play the Saints in Week 15 and Week 17 (which, by the way, is really stupid).
There is no in-between for the Jaguars, it seems because when they win, they win big, but when they lose, they get taken apart. This team is good, but we know they will have their offensive lulls. Blake Bortles throwing a pass right into his own player’s helmet and then having it picked off is just absolutely hilarious.
And so it has finally happened, the Bears have made my Top 5 a few weeks after Big Cat bribed me to push them outside of the Top 10. When Mitch Trubisky plays well, this team is clearly worthy of contending for even the Super Bowl. I think the defense is just simply that good.
Slowly but surely the Patriots climb up back to the top of the rankings. Their last two wins against the Colts and Dolphins weren’t very impressive in terms of quality, but, plain and simple, they looked dominant and that is what we expected from New England going into the season.
It took a scare from the Browns to kick this team into high gear, but now the Saints are looking like one of the best teams in the NFL. They have scored 119 points in their last three wins and Drew Brees looks as good as ever.
Following up their only close game of the year, the Chiefs embarrassed the Jaguars and are basically neck and neck with the Rams for the top team in the NFL. We are now a month away from the two teams facing off on Monday Night Football.
There have now been two straight scares for the Rams, but I just can’t knock them below the Chiefs, so I have them tied. Playing in Seattle might not be as difficult as it once was, but it was still a gutsy road win for the Rams and Sean McVay continues to be the best play-caller in the NFL.
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Okay, see you next week.