EM-PARIS-ING: The USA Is Getting Destroyed In Paris

See what I did there? Headline game.

No other way to say it, we are getting embarrassed in Paris. Trounced. It’s tough walking around Le Golf National wearing all my awesome Peter Millar USA stuff because the Euro crowds keep making fun of me and I don’t like it. Why are they making fun of me? Because guys like Paul Casey are face-fucking world no. 1 Dustin Johnson. Tyrell Hatton and Paul Casey destroyed Dustin Johnson and Rickie Fowler; Sergio and Rory killed Koepka and Finau; Fleetwood and Molinari humiliated Tiger and Reed. It’s insane. Sergio sucked dick all year — the Ryder Cup starts, he dominates 2018 double major winner Brooks Koepka no problem. Didn’t even break a sweat.

Just brutal.

Tiger and Reed had to face the unstoppable force that is Fleetwood and Molinari again today. How’d it go? Well, no joke, Patrick Reed didn’t break 85.

Every time I looked up, Reed was out of bounds. Or in the water. Or in knee-high rough. What the fuck are you doing Patrick Reed? This is the only reason we pretend to like you — the Ryder Cup. You suck at being cool. You suck at being friendly. You suck at having a face that people don’t want to punch. You suck at being a son, brother, and a family member in general. Now you suck at the Ryder Cup too? You’re outta here buddy (shoutout JT).

Why are we getting embarrassed? Fairways. We can’t hit them and Europe can. We may hit it long but we do not hit it straight. Le Golf National has vicious rough and water everywhere. Miss fairways and you lose matches. It’s that simple.

The one ray of hope? This guy.

A bit cringey, but beggers can’t be choosers right now. If Justin Thomas shushing the crowd after a two-putt halve to stay 1UP while Europe leads 7-3 is all we got, then I’ll take it.

Here are your afternoon match ups.

We need a miracle. Two teams have come back and gone on to win from 4 points down heading into Sunday (USA 1999, Europe 2012). We’ve got 4 points at large this afternoon and 12 more tomorrow. Momentum is a dangerous thing, and JT/Spieth gave us a bit of that.

Let’s have an afternoon.

Also, whole store is 10% off. Gear yourself up.