Seal Pimp-Slaps Kayaker With Live Octopus

I was away on a trip with ZeroBlog30 but not to worry, I’m back now with the hard-hitting news you can count on like Seal Pimp-Slaps Kayaker With Live Octopus.

Anyways here’s the Seal footage:

Ah, wrong video. It’s this:

Ok no, but closer. This is really the one:

On Saturday I was at La Jolla cove in SoCal where hundreds of seals compete for space with tourists who can’t help but disturb their sunny nap spaces for selfies & videos.

And it also looked like there was a tourist splashing around in a kayak for every animal swimming in the sea. Watching the commotion I (conveniently forgot that I was 100% that person when I lived out there before & have many seal-adjacent selfies to prove it & thus) got self righteous & wanted to flip out like the viral Britney Spears gent. Just replace ‘Britney’ with ‘seals’ & throw in a mop of unbrushed hair.

So maybe this seal-octopus bitcc slap is the start of a revolution. Maybe they’re sick & tired of having their space invaded, or of bloggers writing dumb Navy SEAL/Kiss-From-A-Rose-Seal puns about them, and they’re rising up. Or perhaps the slapped kayaker bet on the Vikings last week & owed that $ea-dog some money.

In equally important news – Hi Haters! is back on Barstool Radio, SiriusXM Ch85 tonight from 10pm – 12am ET. Check us out!