Bill Cosby's New Home Is Worth $400 Million

Really? We’re sending Bill Cosby to a brand new, state-of-the-art, air-condition-blasting, meatball-and-gravy cookin’, two-basketball-court havin’ palace in Pennsylvania? Goddamn. The square footage alone is enviable. Seems like a pretty decent retirement home for an 81-year-old rapist. Completely free, thanks to the taxpayers, and he gets to roam the halls and get back to his standup roots in the cafeteria. I can just picture him surrounded by a group of his fellow inmates, sitting on his chair with a microphone or a shank meant to mimic the feel of a microphone, delivering jokes about prison life.

“They say solitary confinement is a lonely place. But Schizophrenic Sam said they had a terrific time in there!”

Clap clap clap. Whistles. Feet stomping. Too much excitement. Someone takes a metal meal tray and smashes it over a guard’s face. The Barrio Aztecas use the confusion to slide down the laundry shoot, one after another, into laundry bins that are dumped into waiting trucks and then driven to pre-planned Quaker farming communities in rural Pennsylvania. The Quakers are an accepting lot.

Bottom line, Bill Cosby should not be confined in a plush, comfy prison like SCI Phoenix. Dude belongs in a place like Rikers. He sexually assaulted 60 women. If he only ends up staying in for 3 years, I’d feel a lot better knowing that the other inmates are making the most of their time with him.