I Had the Worst Dream Last Night...
It was awful, absolutely awful. They were hardly “dreams” at all. They were more like some kind of mares, only at night! Marenights of some sort! The worst part of them all were they all were so vivid and felt so real.
They’ve been going on for some time now. They started last week when I thought I saw Mississippi State RB Kylin Hall virtually laughing aloud at Heisman/Governor/Overlord frontrunner Benny Snell’s honest comments:
That’s 41 virtual laughs aloud! Surely my mind was playing tricks on me because Mississippi State played Kentucky and Hill only rushed for 14 yards. That’s 27 more virtual laughs than real life yards! To be fair he only got 4 carries, but credit to MSU head coach Joe Moorhead for realizing handing the ball to Hill was basically punting a down. The hallucinations got worse after Snell gave the Bulldogs 165 yards and 4 touchdowns. Why that’s as many carries as Hill had all game! To make matters worse, Snell posted a picture of himself after the game that just cannot be real:
He’s carrying a bulldog, for All Business Pete’s sake. That is not how American football works.
Things just kept getting worse. Tennessee and Louisville are Kentucky’s biggest rivals but I, for one, believe in camaraderie above all. I love the smell of general conviviality and could NEVER take pleasure in seeing our biggest rivals down bad on the big stage. So imagine my shock and dismay when I saw this:
Look how sad Coach Petrino looks. I went to his Twitter page to offer him some words of encouragement to no avail:
Oh dear. He must have me mistaken with someone else. Yeah, yeah that must be it. Things just kept rolling downhill for Whiskers:
He looks so downtrodden! A quick five straight unrivaled touchdowns and the Volunteers were back in the mix! Ever the optimist, I decided to look at the bright side of things for UT: Only one of their players quit the team midgame! It could have been two, or even three.
During trying times like this, I tend to seek guidance from some of my favorite motivational speakers. They always know what to say to get me back on track. It was just my luck that one of my favorite motivational speakers joined Twitter this week:
I couldn’t believe my eyes. Right in front of my screen after years of not being in front of my screen was Rick “Quick Dick” Pitino! We call him Quick Dick for how swift he is with an uplifting word. We call him that for that reason specifically and no other reason.
What a résumé! Basketball Hall of Famer. Multiple time Final Four attendee and winner of two National Championships, his first at Kentucky in 1996 and his second at the game of life in 2018. Who better to go to for advice than this honest man?
You got it, Rick! I’m going to have myself a bowl of Pitweetos and try to forget about those awful dreams from last evening.
Until next time.