Mitch Hedberg Would Have Had The Greatest Twitter Account In The History Of The World

On today’s Hi Haters, we sit down with comedian Mark Normand. During the conversation, we talk about what it’s like when people know your set like the back of their hand. Kate told a story about how she got to see Mitch Hedberg before he died. And then it dawned on me, Mitch Hedberg would have been the greatest twitter user ever. I mean, look at these jokes and imagine them just popping up on your timeline.

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
You know, I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ‘em later.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Rice is great if you’re really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.
I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that.
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall.
Is a hippopotamus really a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?

Those would all have a million plus retweets. Kate said that when she saw Mitch perform, people were yelling out his punchlines at him at the comedy club which has gotta be the comedy version of screaming FREEEEBIIIRRRDDDDDDDDD!

Additionally, how in the fuck did Mitch remember all those one-liners in a row? It’s not like they have a flow or anything. It’s just joke after joke after joke. How, Sway? How?

Mark Normand was hilarious and told us about some of his worst hecklers and how BOMBING in certain cities made his hour-long special that much better. Listen to today’s episode here or wherever podcasts are.