NFL Power Rankings - Week 2

We are through two weeks of the NFL season and I am back with the second edition of my NFL Power Rankings. REMINDER: These rankings mean everything, more than each team’s record, so please remember to let me know how angry you are that I wronged your team below. Thank you!

EDIT: This is not a “Who Do I Think Will Win The Super Bowl” Rankings, it is a Power Rankings of where the teams currently reside in this part of the season.

Nobody benefited more from the Browns losing in wild fashion this week than the Buffalo Bills. While the story of Vontae Davis retiring from the Bills and the NFL at halftime got plenty of play, it didn’t get the true full spotlight it deserved because everyone was busy laughing at Cleveland. Having a guy literally quit halfway through a game is a pretty huge low point to have in the second week of the season. A late touchdown made their loss to the Chargers seem much closer than it really was. For the most part, the Bills have gotten the shit kicked out of them, giving up 78 points in two games. The bright side? They finally stopped playing Nathan Peterman.

The Arizona Cardinals only gained 137 yards on Sunday. They passed the ball for 83 yards and ran it for 54 yards. That’s incredible. A big reason why that happened is the fact that the Los Angeles Rams have an amazing defense, but still, that’s just pathetic. Star running back David Johnson has only gained 85 yards on 22 attempts through two games. Will the Cardinals turn to Josh Rosen soon? It’s tough to say, especially considering Sam Bradford is getting $15 million guaranteed this season.

Hey, Matt Stafford had a great bounce-back game, right? After a horrible season debut, Stafford threw the ball for 347 yards and three touchdowns against San Francisco. The problem? The Lions are tied with the Bills for the most points against through two games. Their defense is horrible and now they have to face Tom Brady and, potentially, Josh Gordon on Sunday Night Football. Good luck! I do think there is a sizeable gap, though, between the 30^th slot and the Bills and Cardinals.

I feel like this isn’t the worst type of season for the Giants to have? I know their fans and fans of the NFL in general thought they’d compete this year, but Eli is just not going to cut it. Even if he recovers and has an okay season, they need a new quarterback to pair with Saquon Barkley. Tanking for a top pick isn’t the worst idea, but they do also have the issue of being a team built with the intention of winning now. Their offensive line issues are also very evident, as Eli was sacked six times against the Cowboys and Saquon rushed for only 28 yards on 11 carries. The rookie did have issues at Penn State in his senior year with lackluster games, but I think this is hardly his fault at all.

With five minutes to go in the third quarter, the Raiders had a 19-7 lead over the Broncos in Denver. They then gave up 13 unanswered points and dropped to 0-2 to start the Jon Gruden era. Derek Carr had a wildly accurate game, only missing on three of his 32 attempts. The Raiders’ offense looked a little better this week, but they don’t seem to have anywhere near enough firepower to keep up in the high-octane AFC West.

It’s clear that the Seahawks are a shell of their former selves at this point. The offense looked dreadful against the Bears and, despite for sure being a good quarterback, Russell Wilson has had some terrible moments in the first two weeks. His back-breaking pick-six on a game-tying drive was a perfect summation of the Seahawks’ season so far.

The Texans have had two close games, but they have not looked very good, especially on offense. Deshaun Watson hasn’t quite found his groove as he returns from his knee injury last season, but he has a big opportunity to get going in the next few weeks. At 0-2, the Texans must go on a run as they take on the Giants, Colts, Cowboys, and Bills in the next four weeks. All four of those teams should be penciled in as wins if Houston wants to make a run at the playoffs.

Sigh. On one hand, the idea that the Browns are only a legitimate kicker away from being 2-0 going into a game against the Jets is sort of crazy. On the other hand, it’s hard to stay positive considering the team hasn’t won a game in almost two years. While the kicking has been bad, Tyrod Taylor has also now thrown two devastating late fourth quarter interceptions with a chance to seal the game. Even with all of the disappointment, the Browns are slowly on the rise and boast a pretty solid defense.

Week 2 was a much different story for rookie Sam Darnold, as he struggled at times behind a really bad offensive line and got picked off two times. Darnold did become the youngest player in NFL history to throw for 300 yards and he will get another primetime game this week in Cleveland. With a defense that looks more than serviceable and a promising young quarterback, not everything seems so bad for the Jets. You can also blame this game on Fireman Ed, too, who is now 0-1 since his return as the Jets’ home game superfan.

I really can’t figure out if the Ravens will tread water all season or just end up stinking. They did score a ton of points in their blowout win over the Bills, but they largely came back down to earth against the Bengals. The Ravens’ defense got ripped apart by Andy Dalton and Joe Mixon while Joe Flacco coughed the ball up three times. Their schedule is pretty tough over the next few weeks as they take on some currently 2-0 teams and a few playoff contenders in Pittsburgh, Carolina, and New Orleans. We should know quickly if the Ravens will compete at all this season.

Talk about a tale of two weeks for the Redskins. After smashing the Arizona Cardinals in Week 1, the Redskins crashed back down to earth and failed to score a touchdown at home against the Colts. Following a nice debut as a Redskin, Adrian Peterson had an awful game with only 20 yards rushing on 11 carries. Much like their DMV counterpart, the Ravens, the Redskins have a tough schedule coming up against the Packers, Saints, and Panthers. Whether they can keep pace in the NFC with Alex Smith at quarterback, or not, will be figured out pretty soon.

The Cowboys picked up their first win after ravaging the Giants’ bad offensive line, and it seems as though the defense is legit. With that said, the offense can’t seem to muster anything with Dak Prescott at the helm. He, once again, failed to throw the ball for over 200 yards and it doesn’t help that he also has a lackluster receiving corp. I’m not sure who the Cowboys might try and bring in at wide receiver, especially after missing out on Josh Gordon, but they need something to help jumpstart a flatlining air attack.

Tennessee did a nice job keeping the Texans’ offense at bay as they picked up their first win of the season following that marathon weather delay game in their season opener. Blaine Gabbert remains at starting quarterback with Marcus Mariota out and he had quite the bland stat line: 13 for 20 for 117 yards and one touchdown. The Titans offense as a whole didn’t do anything special, but they’re afloat in the AFC as the season gets underway.

The Colts have to be somewhat encouraged by their start to the season. Their defense, which was supposed to be pretty piss poor, had a nice bounce-back week against a Redskins offense that performed well last week. Not to mention the most important part, Andrew Luck, who, despite two interceptions, managed the game well for the Colts as he continues to shake off the rust. There is a good chance the Colts could be 2-0 right now if not for a costly late fumble against the Bengals in Week 1.

This feels like a super generous ranking for a Steelers team that has looked awful and seems to be falling apart at the seams. With the exception of TJ Watt, the defense has been poor, and they got torched by Pat Mahomes and the Chiefs. The offense has their issues as well with LeVeon Bell still not with the team and Antonio Brown not showing up on Monday and daring the Steelers to trade him in a reply to an angry fan’s tweet.

Sunday was a nice response game for the 49ers after a hard-fought loss to the Super Bowl contending Vikings in Week 1. They gave up two late scores but pretty much had a stronghold on the Lions for much of their first win of the season. Jimmy Garoppolo looked solid, throwing for 206 yards and two touchdowns on 18 completions, but the real star was running back Matt Breida. The second-year back out of Georgia Southern is the NFL’s leading rusher after two games and should be getting more carries than Alfred Morris, who has so far been just so-so for San Francisco.

The Dolphins’ first two wins have not been all that incredible, but they’ve been methodical and have gotten the job done. Their defense had a solid effort against Sam Darnold, forcing four Jets fumbles, recovering one and intercepting the rookie quarterback twice. Will they be able to keep up with the Patriots as the season shapes into form? I’d lean in the direction of saying no, but a 2-0 start with the Raiders on the horizon is exactly what Miami would have hoped to see.

SIDE NOTE: Minkah Fitzpatrick trademarking “FitzMagic” last week ahead of Ryan Fitzpatrick is a big-time boss move.

MY ORIGINAL RANKING WAS #10, BUT BIG CAT OFFERED ME $20 TO DROP THEM TO #15 BECAUSE HE SCARED ABOUT THE HYPE TRAIN, WHILE ALSO STILL THINKING THEY’RE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL. This is a really good football team, you can’t convince me otherwise. There is still a lot of room for Mitchell Trubisky to grow, clearly, but with that defense, the Bears are a legit threat to make the playoffs. Khalil Mack is a terror and the Bears’ defense wreaked havoc against the Seahawks on Monday Night Football. I know Aaron Rodgers carved them up late in Week 1, but the Bears are one dropped interception away from being 2-0. I am buying a lot of stock in the Bears right now.

Following an ugly win over the Cowboys with a great defensive effort, the Panthers did the opposite in a road loss to the Falcons. Touchdowns on three of four drives from the Falcons in the middle of the game sunk the Panthers and Cam Newton wasn’t able to dig them out of the hole. The offense had a better output than in Week 1, but the Panthers are going to miss Greg Olsen in the few weeks he is set to miss with an injury.

Dropping a 2-0 team one spot down seems pretty wild, but I am going to do it anyway. They do have two wins, but I am still in wait and see mode with both of those wins coming over lackluster teams in Seattle and Oakland. Case Keenum has been picked off four times in the Broncos’ first two games but, at the same time, he has led them on two game-winning fourth-quarter drives. Even with the mistakes, you can’t deny that Keenum has been clutch. Rookie running back Phillip Lindsay has also been a huge early success for Denver.

The Saints were very, very close to starting 0-2 for the fifth consecutive season. For some odd reason, Drew Brees and the Saints just don’t know how to start with success. Even Alvin Kamara pumped out a pretty bad game against Cleveland. Luckily for the Saints, the Browns fucking blew it and New Orleans evened up at 1-1 after two weeks. This is a “good faith” ranking and I expect them to kick it into the next gear after shaking off some early rust.

It was a nice rebound game for the Falcons after their offense and play calling looked unbelievably terrible in Philadelphia. Matt Ryan had a great game, going for 272 yards and two touchdowns on 23 of 28 passing and ran in two touchdowns on the afternoon. The red zone issues were absent, as well, as the Falcons scored a touchdown on all four trips inside the twenty. Tevin Coleman was great filling in as the starting running back for Devonta Freeman, while Julio Jones had his usual decent touchdown-less effort…

I fear for Tyler’s life. I am pretty sure Julio is going to beat the living shit out of him one day.

There’s no denying that the Chargers have a fantastic offense. Even though they only beat the Bills, Los Angeles has a top-five offense through the first two games of the season. The defense has given up a good chunk of points, but they also await the return of Joey Bosa. This week is a huge test for the annual Dark Horse Team of the Year as they face-off against the Rams in the first Battle Los Angeles. Remember that movie?

What a steaming pile of shit.

Andy Dalton has gotten off to a very solid start to the season and the Bengals seem to be the early favorites for an apparently weak AFC North. Joe Mixon and AJ Green already seem to be a big-time combo for Andy Dalton, with Green coming off of a three-touchdown performance against the Ravens. If the offensive keeps impressing, the Bengals might be able to do a lot more damage than people expected from them this season.

Putting the Patriots this low seems like a really stupid move, but there’s just no denying the fact that they did not look very good against the Jaguars. Actually, since the opening half against the Texans, the Patriots, especially their defense, have looked sluggish. I hesitated and almost put the Patriots at number one after they traded for my all-time favorite guy in Josh Gordon, but I will hold off. I have no doubt that the Patriots will shore up their defense and jump back into the top three soon, but, for now, I just can’t call them as a top-five team after two weeks.

Dropping the Eagles was also pretty difficult, especially now that we know Carson Wentz will be returning this weekend for the defending Super Bowl Champions. Save for a couple of big plays, the Eagles defense still showed their strength against the Buccaneers and kept them in the game until the end. The offense, strapped at wide receiver until Alshon Jeffery returns, needs a little more out of their run game and, while Nick Foles was solid on Sunday, I expect Wentz will elevate the offense upon his return.

I just cannot deny giving this team respect. Ryan Fitzpatrick has been unbelievable, and I have no clue how the Buccaneers can even think about benching him once Jameis Winston returns from suspension. Their rushing attack has not been good, and you’d have to think it needs to improve to allow Fitzpatrick to keep slinging the football. The big plays are there, though, and we have to respect what Tampa has done to start the season.

No matter how hard I try to break it down, I cannot separate the Vikings and Packers in these rankings following their tie. Both teams had pretty shitty reasons to not win the game, starting with the Vikings and their kicking problems. Daniel Carlson’s 0-for-3 field goal performance spoiled a crazy 22-point fourth quarter for the Vikings. Their savoir Dan Bailey is now on the team and this Vikings squad really doesn’t have any holes.

The Packers also had a pretty shitty reason to not win the game. They intercepted Kirk Cousins to seal their victory, only to have it called back on a weak roughing the passer call. The Vikings took advantage of it and tied the game up and then Mason Crosby missed the game-winning field goal as time expired in regulation. These two teams are fucking good, bottom line, and I really hope they meet in the playoffs.

I wasn’t totally impressed with the Jaguars after their Week 1 victory over the Giants. Blake Bortles didn’t look all that great against what is now clearly a not very good New York squad. Well, the BOAT did something in between games because he turned it on and tore up the Patriots’ defense. Bortles threw for 377 yards and four touchdowns on 29 completions and lead the Jaguars to a big win over New England, all without the help of Leonard Fournette. This team, as expected, is legit and has every right to be thinking Super Bowl.

This Pat Mahomes guy is pretty good, right? The second-year quarterback is on pace for 80 touchdowns and zero interceptions. Have to think that probably won’t happen, but Mahomes has been an animal to start the season. The Chiefs’ offense looks nearly unstoppable and has taken out two playoff contending defenses. Their defense has given up a lot of points, but the return of Eric Berry is imminent and that will surely go a long way in solidifying this team as a real contender. The big question for a franchise who has had hot starts in the past is whether or not they can sustain the success throughout the year for once.

The Rams’ offense gained over 400 yards and scored four times, but I have no interest in talking about them. It’s the Los Angeles defense that continues to be insanely fun to watch. They held the Cardinals to only 137 yards of total offense and zero points. I know Arizona is one of the worst teams in the league, but that is flat out domination. The defense is loaded, the offense has a ton of weapons and maybe the league’s best running back. With their crosstown rivalry set to begin with the Chargers this week, it’s clear to me that the Rams are probably the best team in the NFL.

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Okay, see you next week.