RIP Love: Fortnite Is Now Being Cited In Hundreds Of Divorce Proceedings
Prime example of a perfectly healthy relationship with both parties enjoying a date night. Or something like that.
FN – Every few years, an obsession comes along in the gaming world that sweeps everything else off the board. Coverage of games like World Of Warcraft and Minecraft frequently takes on the tone of some kind of epidemic thriller, as reports spread of hooked kids, infuriated parents, and shattered relationships. Now, Fortnite—the massively popular, free-to-play online shooter that boils the current battle royale game craze down into its most efficient and addictive form—is the latest vector of infection, and it’s reached a new milestone in its “video games as pox upon society” career. Because while the game itself has graduated in the last year from “plucky, extremely ubiquitous knock-off” to “goddamn omnipresent elder statesman of the genre,” Epic Games’ massively popular title has just achieved the real brass ring in the supposedly life-destroying video game addiction stakes. Specifically, said honor comes in the form of a report stating that more than 200 divorce proceedings have cited the game in their complaints. (And that’s just in the U.K., and only in 2018!)
Wait…hold the phones, 12-year-olds are not only getting married but have already had enough that they’re starting to get divorced? Shocking. Seriously though, I’m not surprised one bit. Not one bit. How is one supposed to dedicate the time, effort, and energy needed to both build a successful marriage AND defend yourself against tyranny and oppression in the art of Fortnite? You can’t. Therefore, you don’t. And thus, this is it. This is how our monogamous society becomes extinct. Fornite single handedly killed the institution of marriage – RIP: 10,000 BC – 2018 AD. It was a good run while it lasted.
For real though, forget getting through an entire marriage. I’m surprised it even gets to the nuptials in these situations. As you saw above, I was the Icarus of imbeciles for even attempting to combine a single date night and Fortnite. That’s how relationships, and people, get hurt. Then you have people inviting the out of town lady over for the weekend only to end up playing in her face the entire stay like this barbarian of the sticks. Absolute savagery from this specimen:
“You prefer I leave so you can play Fortnite…that’s called a fucking addiction.”
Oh well. Life goes on. Maybe. At least me lady was allowed in the room now on our date nights and isn’t subjected to getting Deep Impact’d. Baby steps, relationship Smitty. Baby steps.
PS – Last night was the way the wars are supposed to be won. No relationships. No distractions. Just good ol’ fashion heart and hustle on the sticks.