Fireman Ed Makes His Triumphant Return Tomorrow

So it sounds like Fireman Ed is coming out of retirement tomorrow for a one time special event. The second New York legend to un-retire this year! The fan base seems pretty split on this one. Turns out Ed Anzalone is one polarizing dude.

Half the fan base seems to want no part of a return. The idea being he bailed on the fan base back in 2012 after the Buttfumble game and if you don’t stick with the Jets at their Sanchez you don’t deserve them at their Darnold. The other side seems to subscribe to the idea that Ed was justified in “retiring” and the bottom line is the stadium is much louder and much more fun with him, so who cares. I started in the first camp, got educated by the second camp, and I’m ending up somewhere in the middle.

Before I explain everything let’s just pause so I can acknowledge that this is the dumbest fucking argument ever. It’s a VERY Jets thing to be worrying about this. My teams – the loser teams of New York – are addicted to hokey gimmicks. Mascots and super fans and events and giveaways and dumb internet things that almost always backfire in some way. Or, at the very least, give ammo to opposing fan bases to make fun of us. Maybe I’m poisoned and jaded by Barstool but I look at the guys around the office – Super Bowl winners all over the place – and they all just shake their head and laugh at us over this stuff. Do you like Ed?? Do you hate him?? Will you participate in the chant?? We just sound like a bunch of losers. Part of me wishes just once I could root for a winner who acts cool. Instead I’m writing a thousand words on this silly shit on a Saturday.

The flip side is this is the Jets life. I’d say “this is the life we chose” but it’s actually the life that chose us. We were born into this shit and this comes with the territory – deciding where you allegiance lies with a 50 something year old retired fire fighter who sits on his brothers shoulders and does a modified YMCA as we scream out our teams shitty letters. If you’re not a Jets fan you won’t understand it, but to us this is a big deal, so shut the fuck up.

So over the last few years and up until this morning I was firmly against Fireman Ed returning to his post as this Jets fan general. My thought was if you’re gonna be a superfan and you’re gonna be on the Jumbotron and on the TV and you’re basically “famous” within this small bubble, then you can’t bail when the going gets tough. He called it quits right after the Buttfumble game and it really gave the appearance that when the going got tough he bounced.

What most fans don’t know is the true reason he called it quits with his shtick is because he was consistently harassed by other dickhead Jets fans once everything surrounding the team had become completely toxic. Now most people just equate that to getting chirped and heckled but from what I understand it was way worse. Without giving out specific since I was asked not to by people close to Ed (nbd. Practically an NFL insider as I talk about grown men either pretending to be a mascot or fighting a man pretending to be a mascot) it sounds like there was physical altercations that were either dangerous or legally troublesome and the dude just said “fuck this. Fuck these scumbag fans, I’m out.”

For that, I cannot fault him. Jets fans, in general, we’re a delusional breed. And Ed might be the most delusional of all, at the front of the charge. But even he had the presence of mind to know being a “super fan” ain’t worth getting assaulted or arrested all because he supported one shittt quarterback and the guy in the bathroom supported a different shitty quarterback. Just asinine. Fanhood at its absolute worst. So he left for that reason and now, with the fan base acting positively, he feels he probably doesn’t have to worry about that, and he wants to return one more time to kick off the Darnold Era at home.

After learning all that, it’s a lot more than just “he’s a fairweather fan!” But at the same time, we are talking about a Super Fan, and Super Fans have to abide by the Super Secret Code of Diehard Delusions. I think if you want to be “that dude,” you gotta take all the bad with the good. In this case there was like, ZERO good, and all bad, so he bounced. That makes sense. But then I feel like that’s it. You’re done. If you want out of that life and all the pitfalls then you call it a career and you don’t get all the perks anymore.

Bottom line though, I don’t go to many games. And every season ticket holder and every fan who’s in the building agrees the atmosphere is 1000% better with him. So, really, ultimately, isn’t that what it’s about? Like I said it’s hokey and chintzy but, objectively speaking, the chant is loud and gets the crowd going, and that’s what a home field advantage is about. If you’re in the building and you understand the full story, you probably won’t have a problem with Ed leading the call tomorrow. If you’re neither of thoss two things, then you probably just think Ed is an asshole and doesn’t deserve to be there. At the end of the day I’ll say this – I would gladly join in with the chant and I want the stadium as loud as possible but also think if Ed is truly, genuinely worried about staying out of the spotlight and not bringing any negativity his way, he would have just stayed away for good. Like yea, Sam Darnold is here and he might be great and he might change the atmosphere but bottom line is you’re a polarizing dude, Ed. You’re always gonna have haters and all it takes is one bad week before people are throwing punches in the bathroom again.

But the decision has been made and I’m gonna get behind it. J E T S JETS JETS JETS.

PS – I know inevitably there will be idiots that compare me to Fireman Ed retiring. How can I judge this guy when I Cuncel my teams and did a whole season of Goddamn Jets and yada yada yada. To which I say, if that’s you’re line of thinking, you’re a buffoon. If I was ever front and center at every game leading the fan base as some sort of ultimate diehard positive reinforcement cheerleader, then, sure, you’d have an argument. Sure, I’d be a hypocrite. But I don’t do that and I’m not that. I am eternally pessimistic and skeptical and will continue to be those things forever because of 30 years of futility. So the day that I become the face of the crowd every week…the day that I’m Mr. “Any Given Sunday!” then you’ll have an argument. Until then, I ain’t anything like Fireman Ed. I’ll continue to Cuncel in peace and won’t need to worry one iota what other fans think of me. The same cannot be said for Fireman Ed.