Are Signs Like This Really Needed For Towns In A Hurricane's Path?

I know Michael is just doing his job. He’s a good dude and we’ve actually hung out before. Being a local writer/reporter in these kinds of situations has gotta be rough. You work all through the night just finding story after story after story and often times, you get no credit. Sucks.

That being said, Krispy Kreme needs to chill the fuck out. We know you guys are closed because of the weather. Hell, that’s probably why the place is all boarded up. Ya know… because of the…. HURRICANE. I think we should develop a hard and fast rule. If there’s anything over a category 1 coming your way, we dont need the sign because that paper sign probably isnt lasting long in the hurricane anyway. They didnt even laminate that son of a bitch. They just pressed control p and used some Christmas tape to put it up on the boards. Im not sure if that’ll hold. I would have gone with some spray paint. All you needed to put was one word.

HURRICANE!

I think that gets the point across.

Can you imagine being in three feet of storm surge and braving the elements because the hot and ready sign was lit? You know you might die but it’s amazing how you can eat like 24 donuts (2 dozen) when they are warm so dying might be worth it. They just slide down your gullet like it’s warm, gooey water. Delicious.

Anyway, imagine if you were a person that’s been knee-deep in a couple games of fortnite with the fellas. You finally come out of your room and head down to Bojangles for lunch. The streets are completely empty except for you and the good folks at Bojangles. You get a chicken biscuit with egg and cheese. As you bite into it, you remember a blog that I wrote about two years ago in which I said that eating chicken with an egg on top is like eating a mother and her unborn baby. You laugh. Thank you for that. I’m glad you appreciate my work. After the breakfast sandwich at 4pm (KFC would be proud), you head for a little breakfast dessert. You walk up to the Krispy Kreme and it’s boarded up and you read the note.

Now the 125 miles per hour wind that you’ve been walking through makes sense. You’re in the midst of a hurricane. You better find some shelter. There’s a Krispy Kreme nearby. Maybe you can stop there. Wait. It’s boarded up. That’s how you knew about the hurricane in the first place. Back to Bojangles? You betcha. Maybe you can get a bo-berry biscuit. They are fucking delicious.