Apparently The NHL Had To Drug Test Auston Matthews After His Ridiculous 4-Goal NHL Debut. That's Just Bad Boy Life For AM34
The Athletic – It was one of? the? most memorable debuts in? the history? of? the NHL.? Auston Matthews? arrived?? in Ottawa as a 19-year-old rookie in 2016 and put on an absolute show in scoring four goals in his first game. He got to the front of the net, using his strength to shield through defenders for the first one. He skated through about half the Senators roster to get the second one. He one-timed the third. The fourth was a 2-on-1 he finished. It was a hockey clinic to announce his arrival to the league.
And right on cue, the league’s drug testers arrived the next day. Matthews was at practice with his Toronto teammates when they showed up to give him another welcome to the NHL. He was part of the randomly selected no-notice drug testing that happens during the season under the NHL’s drug policy…The scrutiny from drug testers carried right on into his second season.
“For some reason, my name got pulled every single time last year in the season,” Matthews said. “That was insane. Every time they showed up: ‘You. Matthews.’ Every time. I don’t know how many times they came to the rink. I think there was only one time where I didn’t get drug tested.”
Unbelievable. Imagine being 18-year-old Auston Matthews. You play in your first ever regular season NHL game. Not only do you pot home a goal, but you go on to score 3 more that night. 4 goals in your first career game. Then next thing you know, old ass Gary Bettman makes you piss in a cup because he thinks you’re just some crazy, whacky teenager who is out there “smoking the mollies” and “doing vapes”. Obviously I know that the NHL would be testing Auston more for performance enhancing drugs but it’s a lot funnier in my head when I picture Bettman trying to catch Auston Matthews as the class stoner.
But still, that’s such a crock of bullshit. “Random” drug test my ass. You think anybody was making Biz piss into a cup every time the testers came into the locker room? Well maybe that’s not the best example. But let’s just stick with that Leafs team. You think anybody was making Leo Komarov piss into a cup every time the testers came into the locker room? Not a chance. Dude just goes out there and pisses everybody off for 60 minutes a night and then that’s a wrap. Even if he was taking PEDs, he clearly wasn’t taking enough so no need to test that urine. But because Auston Matthews was a teenager stuffing the back of the net 4 times in his first career game he had to be on the juice? That is some downright disrespectful shit. That’s Auston goddamn Matthews, ever heard of him? The Phenom. The Chosen One. Maybe he’s just an absolute stud and ate an extra bowl of Wheaties in the morning. Auston Matthews doesn’t need to take PEDs to keep up with the league, it’s the other way around.
Since Auston is a friend of the program, however, I’m here to offer him some free advice just in case he ever finds himself put on short notice for another “random” drug test where he may not do too well. 2 words–oil change.
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