Watch This Indonesian Toddler Play With A Massive Python And Somehow Not Get Swallowed Whole

I feel like there has to be something I’m missing here. Is that python the boy’s father? Did the python raise him in the forest like some real-life version of “The Jungle Book”? Is this kid the second coming of Jesus? All of those situations seem a lot more realistic than this behemoth of a python simply deciding not to eat the shit out of this little kid.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s a family pet? Even if that were the case, the way this kid climbs all over the python and grabs it’s head and harasses it for the duration of the video, anyone with a functional brain should expect the kid to get snatched and wrapped up within the powerful coils of the snake until his little Indonesian body pops like a fucking balloon.

Snakes are one of those animals where I like to pretend I’m really into them, but the reality is they’re absolutely horrifying. I wish I could sit here and say I’m comfortable going out and finding snakes in the woods and grabbing them behind their heads and then looking into a camera while I share cool facts with my audience, but that’d be a lie. Snakes are scary. Little ones, big ones, venomous ones. It doesn’t matter.

I knew this kid in college who had a pretty big boa constrictor and he used to invite his friends over whenever it was time to feed it so they could all drop some acid and fully immerse themselves in the experience. I’m talking a full on light show, weird trance music that makes you feel like your life is about to come to an end, and cold craft IPAs.

Needless to say, I never attended any of the feeding ceremonies, but the point here is simple; if you’re a snake person in any sense of the term, you’re probably at least a little messed up in the brain. Not necessarily in a bad way, just in the way that makes you think owning a giant snake is a good idea. It’s either that or you’ve simply done too many hallucinogenic drugs to know the difference. In the case of this tiny Indonesian psycho, he might just have some massive fucking balls. So at least he’s got that going for him.

Hopefully his lucky streak continues, because I really don’t wanna write a “Indonesian Toddler Swallowed Whole By Giant Python” blog in the near future. That would be unfortunate. I’d still do it, but it’d be unfortunate for sure.