Connecticut Woman Makes The Classic Mistake Of Accidentally Lighting A Stick Of Dynamite During A Blackout Because She Thought It Was A Candle

AP- Authorities say a Connecticut woman mistook a stick of dynamite for a candle during a power outage and suffered severe hand injuries. Assistant Bridgeport Fire Chief Michael Caldaroni says the woman was looking to light a candle in her home at about 9:30 p.m. Thursday after the power went out during a storm. The dynamite went off in the woman’s hand. One of her children called 911 and she was taken to the hospital. No one else was injured. Caldaroni says one of the home’s windows was blown out.

Look, I understand that when the power goes out, it puts everyone in freak mode and makes us all dumber. Ever since I bought my house in the burbs, I have been battling power outages every few months and it throws me for a loop every single time because I have become accustomed to sucking on the teet of electricity all my life. Whenever the power goes out, I still instinctively flip the lightswitch on whenever I enter a room and pray for death’s cold embrace to take me from this world once the outage lasts for more than an hour because my feeble mind cannot handle the quiet darkness of a blackout. Once electricity stops working, so does my brain.

That being said, I simply cannot wrap my mind around how someone can light a stick of dynamite by accident. How the hell do you even get your hands on a stick of dynamite in the year 2018? Is there an ACME outlet in Connecticut that I don’t know of? Is this woman trying to clear out some mountains to build a railroad? Is she fucking Wile E. Coyote? Is it even legal to fuck a coyote in Connecticut? I could see that being allowed somewhere like Montana or Wyoming or this story happening in Florida. But not in blue blood, white collar Connecticut.

I’m not trying to make light of this either even though dynamite exploding in someone’s face is something that is embedded deep in the funny bones of human beings (Source: Like 8 million Loony Tunes cartoons). I still haven’t recovered from seeing that picture of JPP’s hand immediately after he blew his fingers and a few millions of dollars to smithereens on that fateful 4th of July. But someone mistakenly lighting a stick of dynamite in their home in the 21st century makes about as much sense as someone drowning because they tried to caulk their wagon and float it across the Green River while on the Oregon trail.

Regardless of how it happened, hopefully everyone is alright and the authorities removed any extra dynamite, anvils, or giant red rockets from this woman’s house. Next time there is a blackout, simply light a Yankee Candle because they cannot be mistaken for dynamite and will also make your house smell great (preferably use French Vanilla or Buttercream because those are by farrrrr the best candle scents).