Gwenyth Paltrow Sued for Misleading Claims About the Power of Vaginal Eggs

Source – Gwyneth Paltrow‘s lifestyle company Goop has agreed to pay a $145,000 settlement for “misleading” claims about the effectiveness of three of their products — including two of their vaginal eggs.

The lawsuit, brought against Goop by ten counties in California, argued that the company made unscientific claims about the health benefits of their Jade Egg and Rose Quartz Egg — which Goop advises inserting into the vagina to “increase sexual energy and pleasure” — and their Inner Judge Flower Essence Blend, which they said would help prevent depression. …

Goop said in a statement shared with PEOPLE that by agreeing to the settlement, they are not indicating “any liability on Goop’s part,” and they have not received any complaints from customers. Rather, they just wanted to “settle this matter quickly and amicably.”

Oh come on, Gwenyth. What the heck is this? We Goopies come to you for lifestyle advice, health tips and spiritual guidance. We count on Goop’s unique brand of well-researched wellness products to help us survive. Whether it’s the combination infrared and mugwort steamer you use to clean your uterus, the wearable stickers made out of the same carbon polymer used to line NASA spacesuits that “re-balance the energy frequency in our bodies” or these vaginal eggs and Inner Judge Flower Essence Blend. That is more than just mere trust; that is a sacred pact. A covenant, if you will. If you say the vagina egg will solve all of your sexual problems and a perfume will cure depression, we take it as gospel.

So now we find out that these egg-shaped piece of Jade or Rose Quartz won’t do all Gwenyth claims? I mean, there’s more to sexual health than sending Goop 66 bucks for a polished oval stone you put in your snooch? And if say I have a loved one battling depression, she’ll need more help than just a magic essence blend to keep her from ending her life?

Worldview: Shattered.

I’ve been let down by every cultural institution I’ve ever believed in. My country. Friends. Family. My church. (Holy moly, has my church let me down.) The one rock in my life I thought I could always lean on was Goop. And now it too has let me down. But I’ll try my best not to let this destroy my faith in pretentious brands run by actresses to solve all my problems.

P.S. Yes, the irony of the fact that The TB12 Method sounds almost as nutty as Goop, save for the vagina stuff, is not lost on me. You don’t have to point that out. But thanks anyway.