Cops Called On Ventriloquist At The Mall For Making His Doll Yell Profanities At Shoppers

HENRICO COUNTY, Va. — Henrico Police were called to Kay Jewelers at Short Pump Town Center on Monday to investigate a man accused of disturbing the peace. The man, according to witnesses, was yelling profanities at shoppers. But the man was not alone. According to witnesses, the man was acting like a ventriloquist — using a puppet — to yell at shoppers. The man and his puppet left the property before police arrived, so no charges were filed.

That’s gonna be a no from me dawg. No way in hell would I call the cops on this guy. I would just let the ventriloquist and his doll yell profanities at me and keep it moving. A ventriloquist just sitting at the mall is scary enough. Ventriloquists are maybe the scariest people in the world and I only say maybe cause I don’t want ventriloquists to be too mad at me. Anybody who wakes up one morning and thinks, “Hey I know what I wanna do with my life. I wanna stick my hand up a doll’s ass and make him talk but I won’t move my lips so it looks cool” isn’t a person you wanna mess with. The people who called the cops on this guy are gonna get killed by that guy and his doll. And even if they don’t, they’re gonna have nightmares about being killed by that guy and his doll and that might be worse.

A lot of my fear stems from Chucky the Doll. He wasn’t a ventriloquist doll but he was an doll who was incredibly scary. The Chucky movies were the first scary movies I ever saw and they scarred me for life. In one of the movies they’re in a giant store of Chucky dolls and I wasn’t able to sleep after I watched it. It was bad. I’d crawl into my parents’ bed and cry. I was a baby back bitch about it but Chucky was so scary that it wasn’t my fault. So that started my fear of dolls and it continues to this day.

Have you ever seen Dead Silence that came on in like 2007? I have.

Here’s the trailer

Fuck allllllllllllll of that.