A Very Sane Man Brought A Chainsaw To A Fist Fight In His Neighborhood

Nothing beats a good neighbor fight. Nothing. Years of passive aggressive bullshit stemming from one guy mowing his lawn too early on a Saturday followed by his next door neighbor responding by lighting off fireworks at 3 AM later that night followed by invitations to different parties getting lost in the mail all coming to a head. The political and psychological warfare that goes on in neighborhoods around the world can easily lead to a powderkeg more explosive than the one that went off in Europe when Archduke Ferdinand met his maker.

THAT BEING SAID, there is no way you can allow someone to take out a chainsaw during a fight and let him walk free. Can’t do it (*Mike Singletary voice). We talk about precrime all the time at Barstool, but simply revving a chainsaw in the general direction of another person is premurder in my mind. Anybody that does that should be buried under the jail for 3 life sentences. That sound sends a chill down the spine of even the hardest criminal the world. Just the mere thought of the Colombian shower scene in Scarface gives me goosebumps. So if your neighbor is willing to turn into Leatherface at the drop of a hat because a couple of ladies decided to engage in fisticuffs before taping a nap on each other, you need to change your name and move as far away as possible from that crazy fucking bloke.