2017 Was A RECORD Year For STDs

Bloomberg- The U.S. saw a record number of cases of sexually transmitted diseases in 2017, marking the fourth straight year of sharp increases in gonorrhea, syphilis and chlamydia, according to preliminary data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The trend is exacerbated by the fact that gonorrhea could soon become resistant to antibiotic treatment, the CDC said in a statement Tuesday. Prevention efforts have also stagnated, and people are using condoms less frequently, said one expert.

“We expect gonorrhea will eventually wear down our last highly effective antibiotic, and additional treatment options are urgently needed,” said Gail Bolan, director of CDC’s Division of STD Prevention.

David Harvey, executive director of the National Coalition of STD Directors, said the rise is due to stagnant federal funding for prevention efforts, a lack of screening and a decrease in condom use. He cited a lack of awareness that some methods used to prevent other sexually related conditions — such as IUDs and a pill to reduce the risk of HIV — don’t protect against common STDs.

Yeesh. As if sex wasn’t scary enough, we now have the highest rates of STDs on record. I blame global warming, personally. Everyone knows that those creepy crawlers love a warmer climate. Yeast infections thrive when the rubber meats the road. Or the sperm meets the incubator. And with temperatures rising, these bacterial strains are packing their camping gear for a shot at real estate in your dick/poon.

Couple major takeaways from this article: first, given that antiobiotic-resistant strains of Gonorrhea are on the rise, there has never been a better time to contract gonorrhea. Get it NOW while you still can [get rid of it]! Pretty soon, it will be the WORST time to get it because you won’t be able to blowtorch it away like the olden days.

Second, if a girl has an IUD (my favorite method of birth control by far), she has gonorrhea. That’s science. These chicken wishbones are great for stopping swimmers but do nothing to prevent common STDs.

In the end, everyone will have STDs. Maybe we’ll revere the master Pokemon trainers who caught ‘em all. But for now, we’ll throw caution to the wind as we always have, and hope that we catch the old breeds. You know, the ones that haven’t morphed into mutant, superpowered, hills-have-eyes STDS.