How Cocky Is American Airlines In My DMs Right Now?

Fucking American Airlines, cockiest attitude I’ve ever seen. How about we actually get a plane in the air and hit a scheduled departure time before we start dropping more puns in one DM than Cousin Murray drops in an entire radio show.

mAAgic touch?

Wings crossed?

Are you fucking me. American Airlines acts like they’re out here teleporting people to their destination two hours early. I’m not going to list my entire experience today because I’m not a complain online guy* but let’s just say it’s looking more likely I’ll be sleeping on the floor at Reagan International than be where I’m supposed to be tonight (credentialed J at Bellerive).

*I’m not a complain online guy except I realized complaining online actually works so now I’m a huge complain online guy.

As long as I make it to St. Louis tonight it’s all fun and games and laughing and singing kumbaya. But if I don’t you can bet your ass I will take to twitter and tag @AmericanAir in a series of tweets complaining like a little bitch until I get my way. You can take that to the bank.

PS — I think American Airlines just threatened me?

When my plane inevitably gets stranded on the runway for 5 hours tonight with no air conditioning it’s my fault right? What a dangerous game we’re playing.