Nintendo Apparently Just Straight Up Murdered Luigi

Clem8/08/2018 6:29 PM

So this video for the new Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is going around and apparently Nintendo killed Luigi in it while introducing the Castlevania characters. To be honest, I didn’t know Nintendo had it in them to go so dark. Video game OGs like myself remember the day when the people at Nintendo were too scared to put blood in Mortal Kombat or even NHL 94. To see them straight up gut one of their core characters is mind bottling*.

Don’t get me wrong, I have never been a fan of Luigi and my eyes will not shed a single tear in his memory. You couldn’t pay me to use that lanky green fraud in Mario Bros, Mario Kart, Mario Baseball or any of the millions of Mario/Nintendo games from over the years (the one exception was Mario 2 because Luigi’s had 80s MJ hops).

The fact of the matter is Luigi has been eating off Mario’s good name for years and is on the Mount Rushmore of Loser Famous Brothers alongside names like Frank Stallone and Robert Kardashian. His name being Luigi Mario shows that he was destined to live in his brother’s shadow from birth. To be honest, I bet Mario won’t wear all black or even a black wrist band in Luigi’s honor because he knows just like everyone else how worthless Luigi was to the Mario franchise. Mario, Peach, Bowser, and Toad carried the squad in the 80s, Yoshi superceded Luigi in the 90s, and like 8 million other characters have passed Luigi in relevance since then.

But in the words of the late great Christopher Wallace in the also great Runnin’ Remix “I would never wish death on nobody, you know what I’m sayin’? Because there ain’t no coming back from that”. And there sure as shit ain’t no coming back from The Grim Reaper ripping your guts out with a fucking scythe and your soul being unable to re-enter your body. That’s some Game of Thrones level of viciousness. For as much as I disliked Luigi, I have to admit that is a gangster way to go out. Actually this is all a video game and can/will be easily reversed because I’m sure there are a group of weirdo Luigi stans out there ready to launch an internet offensive against Nintendo for killing their beloved leader. But I will just say good riddance, drop a half-hearted RIP In Peace, and can’t wait to never use Luigi in the upcoming old school video game show that KFC and I will be doing on ~~Twitch~~ TBD.

Speaking of which, there are rumors that there will be an announcement regarding the future of Gametime on the Gametime YouTube channel tonight at 8 PM ET. So make sure you subscribe and check out the YouTube Gaming app on iPhone or Android.

*I can’t wait for some new age Stoolie to call me out for this

UPDATE: Apparently Luigi is okay