Aqib Talib Officially Declaring His Beef With Michael Crabtree Dead Before Tomorrow Night’s Preseason Game Against Each Other Is The Worst News From NFL Training Camp

Absolutely devastating news coming out of Rams camp with Aqib Talib declaring his beef with Michael Crabtree dead and buried 6 feet under. There is no other story that will come out of training camp that will sadden NFL fans more than this. No injury to a star player, no scrappy Hard Knocks player with a nice wife and cute kid getting cut, nothing. Once it became clear that Talib and Crabtree would end up on new teams this offseason, everyone that watched the last 2 fights between them that ended in Talib snatching Crabtree’s chain hoped that they would end up in the same division or at least in a regular season game against each other.

*For the record, this is the greatest in-game graphic ever*

However, Talib ended up with the Rams, Crabtree with the Ravens, and based on the NFL schedule formula, it seemed like we would not get a head-to-head matchup barring a Super Bowl appearance by both teams this year. But considering the injury rate and cut rate of NFL veterans, it wouldn’t be a surprise if Crabtree and Talib never matched up again.

That is until the NFL Preseason Scheduling Gods hit us with an all-time NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND and pitted the Rams and Ravens against each other in Week 1 of the preseason along with a couple of practice sessions in the heat that almost always lead to some scuffling. However after two days of practice, Talib and Crabtree treated each other real respectable-like and Talib said that shit is dead bro. Which again, is devastating to those of us that care more about primal violence and chain snatching beefs straight out of 90s hip hop feuds than sportsmanship.

Luckily there is an eternal optimist that lives inside of me and always looks for a spinzone so I don’t jump off a bridge during Mets or Knicks season. And that optimist says this is exactly what somebody that was looking to snatch someone’s chain for the THIRD time would say. There is a chance that Crabtree wasn’t going to wear his chain if Talib had gone at him hard in practice or through the media. But now Crabtree will have his guard down and his chain on during tomorrow night’s game and Talib will be ready to pounce on him the minute he sees an opening. If it truly does take years to unteach a football player to avoid popping a defenseless receiver, I imagine it takes decades to unteach a chain-snatching football player to avoid ripping off a chain he has been programmed to snatch his whole life. Do the right thing Aqib and snatch Michael Crabtree’s chain off his body yet again and give us something to get excited about during the dog days of August when the starters are barely playing in the games.