Do Hockey Team Names Need Enforcers? Not Anymore Thanks To This FHL Team In Elmira
Source – Elmira’s new Federal Hockey League team provided a hat trick of announcements Thursday afternoon at First Arena.
The franchise announced its nickname is the Enforcers, its head coach is Brent Clarke and its first player is goaltender Nick Niedert, who played previously in the ECHL with the Elmira Jackals…
…”I have always been a huge fan of law enforcement and police officers,” Nichols said. “I just thought it was a way to give back, especially to our correctional officers. There’s a lot of them in the area and we want to be known as the Elmira Enforcers. We’re not the bad guys who are going to beat you up; we’re the good guys.”
I would now like to officially announce my decision that I will be taking my talents up to Elmira, NY to become an Enforcers super fan. Just like that, the greatest hockey team of all time was born. I mean I’m a little disappointed that they’re going so heavy on the law enforcement aspect of the name. Nothing against our boys in blue or anything. I just kind of wish that they’d just slap a photo of John Scott’s face on their uniforms and call it a day. But that’s neither here nor there. My Enforcers fandom runs deep in my veins. It’s in my DNA. I’ve been writing about enforcers for at least 4 years now and now we finally have a team to ourselves. Granted it’s in the Federal Hockey League but hey, a team is a team.
It’s been a long time coming. It’s been hard work, dedication and a steady grind. Everywhere you turn these days, it’s just a bunch of bitches whining about hockey being too barbaric and that we need to take fighting out of the sport to make it less violent. Everywhere you turn, it’s people trying to ruin this great, beautiful game that was sent down to us as a gift from the gods themselves. These sacks of shit have been trying to make enforcer position in hockey obsolete despite the fact that they are beyond essential to the game’s integrity. But when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. And just as it appeared that all the bitches in the world were starting to turn the tides of the war in their favor, in come the Elmira Enforcers here to fuck shit up. I need this team to be the 2018 version of the Danbury Trashers. I need visiting teams to be shitting their pants just thinking about stepping off the bus to play against the Enforcers. I need every Elmira Enforcers game to look like Rough N’ Rowdy on ice. If there’s anybody in this world who can truly Make Hockey Violent Again, it’s the Elmira Enforcers. So go on out there and kick some ass, you crazy bastards. The world needs to know that the FHL Championship runs through the city(?) of Elmira from here on out. And don’t let them ever forget it.
P.S. – They better have a Doug Glatt Night.