Chinese Fashion Accessories You'll Regret Not Buying on Amazon Prime Day
Amazon Prime day came and went. For those of you who prefer to wallow in regret about not doing something than actually do something here are a few fashion accessories I often see around China that you’re going to be furious about not pulling the trigger on last week.
1. Facekini
Facekinis have become a beach necessity in China as of late.
In the US, a dangerously dark tan that could turn into skin cancer any minute is a clear sign that you’re an internet mogul who can afford to take all of July off of work to sun bathe in Nantucket.
However, in China, having a tan is a clear sign that you’re a poor person. It signifies you don’t have a cushy white collar job but instead, are toiling away in the fields as a farmer.
Rich Chinese Person:
Poor Chinese Person:
As a result, Chinese people do everything they can to avoid even the slightest suntan. This is why accessories like sunbrellas
and sleeves that protect your arms from the sun while driving
are wildly popular in the middle kingdom. My favorite sun blocking device that is all the rage in China these days though is the facekini.
Such an outrageous look. Personally, I would prefer people think I’m a poor than look like the gimp from Pulp Fiction,
but I respect the move immensely. If you crave attention and are looking to make a splash at the beach this summer, you probably should’ve shelled out for a facekini on Amazon Prime day.
Do you have one of those dogs that due to thousands of years of inbreeding and genetic manipulation has turned into a tiny nippy little c*nt? Well in China, that’s pretty much the only type of dog people have. They may look cute but if you try to pet it there is a good chance it’s going to try to rip one of your fingers off. They’re ill temperament could just be because most Chinese people force them to wear clothes and shoes every time they leave the house,
but the point still stands, they’re fucking psychopaths that are a danger to society. Don’t worry though, if you have one of those shitty dogs you’re in luck! You can nostill take it out in public due to the magic of the Duck muzzle.
The fist time I saw a dog with one of those muzzles on I thought a piece of trash had gotten stuck on it’s nose like a sickly sea turtle
But as I got closer I could see in it’s eyes it was a unhinged sociopath who had been muzzled by it’s owners so it wouldn’t try to murder innocent civilians. I feel safer living in China knowing these things are currently the must have accessory for people whose pets are inbred assholes.
Love cranking hoons but tired of having to hold those gross cancer sticks with your own fingers? Problem solved. Now you can play fortnite
Browse porn
Play guitar
and commute to work
all while conveniently cranking your hands free hoon. You’ll never miss a toke again! Thankfully, I have no feelings of regret eating me inside about this one. I copped one of these as soon as they hit the market. You know I stay #RINGEDUP
If you are beating yourself up about forgetting to purchase these innovative cultural necessities, don’t fret, they’re still in stock and all cost less than 10 bucks! And remember folks, using these products is not a form of cultural appropriation, it’s cultural APPRECIATION.