Is Rocky Mountain Wife Carrying The Sport Of The Future?
Football causes too many cases of CTE. Baseball is too boring. Hockey can’t market itself. Basketball is filled with a bunch of prima donnas. The United States of America, once a proud strong nation, is in desperate need of a new sport to revitalize the American spirit and symbolize all the greatness which we can achieve. A sport that offers hope to our younger generations. And that sport of the future? Well it’s Rocky Mountain Wife Carrying, of course.
Now what’s great about RMWC is a couple of things. For starters–as you heard in the video, you do not HAVE to actually compete in this with your wife. Why is that great? Well because when I first heard of Rocky Mountain Wife Carrying, I thought it was extremely offensive towards men whose wives have left them. Kind of fucked up considering the divorce rate in America right now. A messy divorce shouldn’t prevent an athlete from competing in the RMWC championships. They already have to worry about custody battles and alimony payments. The last thing they should have to worry about is whether or not they’re eligible to compete in the world’s greatest sport just because their wife left them. So I’m glad to hear that the RMWCL holds some rather progressive ideals here. As long as it’s a dude carrying a consenting chick up the mountain, it’s good to go.
Secondly, the sport seems to be impervious to Performance Enhancing Drugs, as far as I can tell, and seems to truly be a sport of the common man. I mean just take a look at the dude who ended up winning the whole damn thing.
Buddy looks like he was just walking around door to door selling bibles. Salmon shorts, tight SSBD. Have to imagine he strictly own Merrell shoes. Looks like he plays in his church’s basketball league and calls his own fouls. But he shows up 15 minutes prior to the event and wins the ‘ship. And that’s what I love about this sport. I don’t want to have to train my ass off to be a great athlete. I just want to be able to show up, dominate, and get out of there with some free booze. Which leads me to the 3rd great thing about RMWC.
The free booze for winning. I know that I’ve been going on and on for about 4 years here at Barstool Sports [dot] com about the Stanley Cup being the greatest trophy in all of sports. But your partner’s body weight in beer? Well at the very least, that’s a close second. And think about it. That really brings a nice level of integrity to the game. I mean any guy could go out there and find the smallest, skinniest girl he can find to carry her around through the obstacle course. And sure, that might give him an advantage to win but in the end, what’s it all for? 90 lbs of beer? For all that work? Get real. You gotta find yourself a real woman for the real payout. The game polices itself in that way.
So is Rocky Mountain Wife Carrying the sport of the future? Well I feel like it’s a little redundant at this point to even ask. But yes, yes it is.