Tiger Woods Is Looking Some Kind Of Way In Europe

Translation:

Don’t do it Tiger. Don’t go parachuting or whatever the fuck it is you’re preparing to do. Don’t do it. We’ve got golf tournaments to win. Think about the fans. I just need you to focus on golf for ten more years so we can tell all the haters to suck our dicks. Think about the list: Portnoy, Big Cat, All Business Pete, Ian Poulter, the National Enquirer, the disks in your back, the Jupiter police. These people don’t deserve happiness. They don’t deserve the happiness you would give them by going down this road; by damaging your body; by not winning the five more majors we’re going to win to trump Jack and stand forever as the greatest.

Don’t do it. Give me ten more years of exclusively golf then we’ll reach the top of the mountain, tell everyone to suck our dicks, and parachute off into the European sunset.

But not yet.

Not yet.