I Wasn't Planning On Watching The HR Derby, But I Guess I Have To Now
Damn it Rhys. I mean good for you, it’s gotta be such a huge honor to be asked to compete in the Derby. It’s just that I really don’t give a shit about it and now you’re forcing my hand to watch it.
Not much we love more than Hoskins and homers — Get ready for @rhyshoskins in the Home Run Derby! pic.twitter.com/OmYDhya3wB
— Philadelphia Phillies (@Phillies) July 12, 2018
To be honest I haven’t watched the derby in years. I’m not an All-Star festivities guy to begin with, but the Derby is just one of those things I could honestly care less about. But Rhys is my boy, he’s the 8 seed and he will be getting all the hype from your boy Tbyrd. If he really wants to win though, he’s going to need Coach Smitty by his side.
Last night, Rhys Hoskins hit 2 homers for The Phillies. Friday, he took a hitting lesson with Smitty and Carrabis. Coincidence? I think not. pic.twitter.com/XnidkFj0VP
— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) September 13, 2017
Rhys will face Jesus Aguilar in round 1. I want Rhys to win, but I just remember when Bobby Abreu won in 2005 and then went on to hit .194 the rest of July. When Aaron Judge won last year, his post All Star Break through August numbers were deplorable. .179 BA and .690 OPS in 44 games. To be honest I hope Bryce wins. I hope he ruins his swing the rest of the season, continues to bat around the Mendoza line, Nats fail to make the playoffs and the Phillies sign him for the veteran minimum.
So all this derby talk got me thinking, how would I fix the Home Run Derby. Well here are my answers.
1. Aluminum Bats – Not modern-day aluminum, the old school ones circa 2006. I want Demarani, Stealths, Exo’s. I want these guys clobbering balls and hitting unsuspecting fans in the nose bleeds in right field, knocking their teeth out.
2. Participants make their own wooden bats – They can make this a reality show, drive up ratings which I’m sure are shittier than MLB wants them to be. Similar to the Natural with Robert Redford and with the same concept as History Channel’s Forged in Fire, give each player 5 days to build their own bat and name it. They can only use that bat in the derby. If it breaks it breaks.
3. Cocaine Free for All – Each player snorts a bunch of coke and we all see what happens.
Good luck Rhys, rooting for you kid. Go Phils.
PS The Phillies lost last night. Degrom was decent. Phils remain in first place.