No Big Deal Or Anything. Just A 7-Ton Hoagie From Wawa

All I keep hearing about today is “LeBron to the Lakers this”. And “Kawhi to the Lakers that”. And “PG and KD and literally everybody else to LA also”. But here’s the thing that you bozos just don’t understand. What can Philly offer to these superstars that LA most definitely cannot? A 7-ton hoagie from Wawa on National Hoagie Day, that’s what.

7-tons. That’s 14,000 pounds of hoagie. Now, granted, it appears as if this is just a combination of a shit ton of smaller hoagies as opposed to one, gigantic behemoth of a hoagie…

…but still. It’s way more than Los Angeles can offer. I mean, do they even have hoagies in LA? Even if they do, it’s probably just some sort of kale & avocado hoagie with soybean cheese on ezekiel bread. Yuck! But here in the city of Brotherly Love? Well all 4 of those guys could sign here in Philadelphia. They could all sign here for 18 years. And there would still be enough hoagie for each of them to have 1 Wawa shorty per day. Trust me, I did the math on that one.

So you tell me. Who do you think has a better chance of landing any of those guys right now? A city that has nothing but traffic and a bunch of whiny ass movie stars? Or the city who can give them 18 years of daily hoagies? That’s what I thought.

P.S. – It’s all happening.

@BarstoolJordie