Thursday Homestretch

Programming note:  Will be co-hosting Barstool Breakfast on Sirius Channel 85 tomorrow from 7-9AM.

This Homestretch is going to be about Mike Tyson for a couple reasons- This week is full of Iron Mike anniversaries, I really have no interest in talking about continued strength in crude, the first half of the year comes to an end tomorrow so maybe we’ll see more action into the close, and because I love Mike Tyson.

I’m a boxing fan.  Grew up in a household where both my parents were off the boat, so there was no deep rooted allegiance for any American sport.  The only thing my dad and I would watch regularly was boxing, and we watched it in what was a Golden Age for the sport.

It was the end of an era for that scumbag, Muhammad Ali (who I cant fucking stand), but it was the heyday for names like Sugar Ray Leonard, “Marvelous” Marvin Hagler, Thomas “The Hitman” Hearns, Hector “Macho” Camacho, Roberto Duran, Ray “Boom-Boom” Mancini, Duk Ku “Dead Duck” Kim, and “Illiterate” Michael Spinks.

There was a piece of shit movie theatre 1 block from my house in Brooklyn, and since peep shows were the only thing close to being described as “pay-per-view” in the early 80’s, my dad and I would pay 4 bucks a piece and watch championship fights on closed-circuit in that theatre.  The sound sucked and the footage was grainier than the pics I post on my blogs, but they used to sell beer by the can, and the crowd got rowdy.

Anyhoo… Back to Tyson.

Yesterday was the 30 year anniversary of Tyson/Spinks.  Here’s the whole fucking thing…

He hits him with a right hand that puts Spinks right on fucking Queer Street, and then turns his back on Spinks’ corpse, flexing his neck like a fucking monster.

Spinks’ manager fucked with Tyson pre-fight.  Tried to distract him by saying Mike’s camp had purposefully placed a foreign object in his glove which caused a bump in the leather that would potentially cut his opponent.  Instead of distracting Tyson, it made him laser focused to knock Spinks the-fuck-out in 91 seconds.

There was another story where Tyrell Biggs also fucked with Tyson, when Tyson didn’t make the Olympic team (maybe there was a written section?).  Years later, Tyson fought Biggs in a pro fight and basically held Tyrell up for 7 rounds without knocking him out, just to deliver as much body trauma as he could muster.  It was the first time I saw a professional fighter cry in the ring.

Second Tyson anniversary this week… 21 years ago today, Tyson bit Evander Holyfield’s ear in the third round of their rematch.  I know you are way too busy to watch the whole thing, but at least watch the first 4 minutes.

Evander head-butted Tyson in the previous round which moused his right eye, and Tyson got so frustrated with it, he bit part of his fucking ear off… Which everybody knows about.  But there were 2 things I forgot:

1. Tyson came into the third round without his mouthpiece in.  Mills Lane, the ref, had to stop the clock and send him back to his corner before the round officially started.  I watched enough Law&Order to surmise that the subsequent bite might have been pre-meditated, and the ref inadvertently saved Evander an exponentially bigger disfigurement by noticing Mike was without a guard.

2. I totally forgot Mills lane let them finish the round after the initial bite.  They didn’t stop it until they were between 3 and 4, and after Tyson went after the ear again in a round ending tie-up.

I just cant remember anyone being so batshit crazy in such a gigantic event as a heavyweight title fight.

The last Tyson anniversary is actually coming up this Saturday.  Mike Tyson turns 52 on June 20th.  And although he has been demoted to almost a punchline in an age where MacGregor gets street cred for throwing a chair at a bus, I am telling you that nobody was as fucking insane as Mike Tyson was in his prime… He was essentially the Rick James of boxing.

So maybe Saturday night… After you had one too many at the barbecue… And you head home to the wife for that patented 30 seconds of pale naked fury… Maybe you give that bitch a little aggressive bite on the ear… Just out of respect for the most dangerous man on the planet.

Happy Birthday, champ.

Take a report.

-Large

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Still having issues with pics from my phone, but I am gonna test a shot of me with a Mike Tyson face tattoo from an old family Christmas Card.  Let me know if it shows up…

Have a good night.