You Have To Be A Goddamn Asshole To Paddleboard Across The Hudson River In A Full Suit During The Morning Commute

As Barstool’s unofficial New York Commuting blogger that has made a living out of complaining about how much it sucks riding the train in New York because the subway is dark and full of terrors, I kinda understand where this guy is coming from. Nobody wants to go to a rat infested labyrinth or cram onto a boat with a bunch of other people with lifeless eyes from the daily grind.

But paddleboarding on the Hudson is suicide, Benny. One of the biggest teases of day drinking by the water in New York City is sitting in the sun next to a body of water that you cannot swim in because it is filled with more chemicals than Walter White’s lab. And that’s before we get to how much of a hardo move this is. Why can’t this guy just be a normal person and take normal means of transportation to work? To save the environment one emission? Fuck outta here. I guarantee everyone on that ferry was hoping this guy’s paddleboard would burst into flames just from touching the water and they would watch him suffer the same fate as the Terminator did at the end of T2 before hammering away another 9-5 in the rat race.

Nope, it turns out he was reportedly a comedian that was “late for a meeting” and not at all looking for attention. Haha. Funny AND quirky. I get it! The headline to this blog has been confirmed.