Heartened by Father’s Day wishes. In recognition that this day like all things in life could mean different things to different people -parent and child, positive and negative-I’d like to speak here about fathers who’ve experienced loss. This month I became one. Anyone within a galaxy of me knows we were expecting twins. We lost Amadeo in the moments leading up to childbirth. We delivered Enzo weeks early in an emergency. Last week was our memorial mass for Amadeo. This week Enzo came home happy, healthy and strong. The duality of all this – the anguish and the joy – is impossible to grasp. But it’s one we know we must navigate. For me that means two things: giving voice to our feelings, and allowing others to lift us when we can’t shoulder the load of those feelings. The heaviness of giving a eulogy for a son who never had a chance to breathe. Having to talk to our just-old-enough-to-know daughter who was expecting two siblings. These are impossible moments; how can any parent go forward? Ever be whole? Consider that grief could mean meeting ourselves where we actually are. That’s what I’m talking about when I talk about navigating feelings. Recognizing we didn’t get to know Amadeo- but sure as anything we felt him. Felt his kicks, felt his presence. That feeling is life. I am not somebody who thinks everything happens for a reason. I’ve spent time here & here pledging that it’s ok to not be ok. For me the recognition that life can be out of our control is necessary; how we respond is what we do control, and it’s pivotal and determining. But what if it requires more than that? How we choose to respond, but also: how others positively respond to us, for us. And that’s what I’m talking about when I talk about allowing others to lift us. Example: In our instance, a twin stroller is on every block, an expectant family at every park. That can pierce your heart, but you can’t let it pierce you every day. Or a day like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, it’s even trickier. Isn’t grief part and proof of humanity? What if it’s humanity you need to open yourself up to? To allow to shepherd you through trials of grief?
Not really much to add here since I think Tony Reali pretty much hit the nail on the head. Horrible things happen in life, whether it’s a nightmare like Tony and his wife are going through relating to the birth of a child or anything else that results in loss and intense grief. You have to keep moving forward but should not bottle up your emotions inside.
This story obviously hit close to home since it was just Father’s Day on Sunday and I have a podcast about parenthood here at Barstool. One result of being on The Podfathers is that I give listeners a personal view into my family’s life and they feel like they can do the same. Which they can, no matter if it’s good news or bad news. I’ve had listeners share stories about babies on the way, babies being born, and unfortunately babies being lost. For some people, it’s easier to talk through awful news with someone you feel like you know through the internet than sharing it with someone in real life. And if that’s how you feel, you can always reach out to me.
Reali’s story also hit close to home because I feel like I know him despite never meeting him because he seems to be such an authentic, real person. I remember when he broke in as a “lowly Stat Boy” on Pardon The Interruption, heard the WILD story about how he got engaged, then watched him grow as a personality on ESPN and later ABC. So hearing of this tragedy feels like it happened to a friend that I’ve seen grow up right along with me. A sincere condolences to Tony and his family during this devastating and trying time.
