Big Ev AKA The Double Vodka Don Intern Update: Intern Ben eats his Bagels like an Absolute Psychopath

Now let me start this off by saying I’ve seen some crazy things in my day. I’ve seen Dennis Rodman broker a deal to potentially stop nuclear war. I’ve seen a man say he was a time traveler and pass a lie detector test. I’ve seen a grown man eat horse shit under his own volition. But I don’t think I’ve seen anything as psychotic as the way Intern Ben eats his bagel.

Some background on Intern Ben, he went to Syracuse but is from the Boston area so he hasn’t been blessed with having amazingly delicious bagels at his disposal like myself who grew up in New York. Therefore, he has not had as much experience eating bagels. (I’ve had plenty of experience ask any of my local bagel shops in Goshen, New York). But it is absolutely and positively 1000000000% no excuse for the way he eats his bagel. Please brace yourself as I explain the dauntingly cringeworthy approach Ben takes to eating his bagel.

First off he doesn’t cut his bagel in any sort of fashion. HUGE red flag right off the bat. But he’s  good guy (well atleast I thought he was) so I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. He then takes the cream cheese and puts it on the plate as if its a dipping sauce. (Let’s get this on record right now so there is no confusion. Cream cheese is NOT a dipping sauce and anyone who says it is should be kept at least 100 yards away from all schools, women and children.)

He then rips the bagel up into pieces and dips it into the cream cheese like he’s dipping a chip into guac and proceeds to eat it.

This is an all-time lunatic move. I have never seen anything like it in my entire life. I think I was less disgusted watching 2 girls 1 cup than I was watching Ben eat a bagel for the first time. Absolutely horrific experience. Disgracing bagel lovers all over the globe with such poor etiquette. I think I blacked out watching him eat it because I was intoxicated with such disappointment and sorrow for someone I previously called a “friend”. But NO friend of mine would eat a bagel in such atrocious fashion. So disrespectful to a company that is generous enough to get bagels for its employees in the morning. So this is me, Evan Michael McDowell, officially calling off our friendship once and for all. It was a fun couple of weeks pal.

P.S. – Ben and myself are still friends but I will NEVER look at him the same way.