Friday Homestretch/AFTP

Large6/15/2018 6:00 PM

Market taking it in the seat after Trump announced $50 billion in new tariffs on Chinese imports, and I got drunk last night.

Had dinner at Mastro’s, which is too fucking dark. I know dimming the lights adds ambience, but at one point I accidentally sank my fork into my cellphone.

Ultimately, at all steak dinners I put a full glass of red on my forehead and then turn it upside down…

It’s called the “wine-icorn”, and because I have an acre of face, I can do it with any size glass. I cant do a push-up or burpee (whatever the fuck that is), so it’s really all I have.

A lovely young lady took the pic, and then looked utterly disgusted at the wine stain on my head that was left behind.

Oh, I should probably save this for Monday’s “I HATE NY”, but ended the night at a pretentious bar in the Baccarat Hotel. Had an Eastern European waitress, who looked like she would peg on the first date. I drank absinthe for no particular reason, and when the bill comes, they ask you to sign with a feather and ink instead of a pen.

Following up on the birthday wishes I bestowed upon Boy George yesterday, I was remiss to not mention my favorite thing about that freak.

At one point George brought a much younger male model up to his apartment, drugged him, and handcuffed him to a radiator. When the detainee woke up, he saw George laying out an array of dildos on the bed that George was promising to violate him with.

I think my waitress at Baccarat owns a similar array.

Anyhoo, the guy justifiably freaked, found some adrenaline-fueled super-strength, broke free of his shackles, and ran out while Boy George gave chase, whipping him with chains as he fled.

Cops came, yadda-yadda, and eventually boy George was sentenced to 15 months in prison… Which is kinda like sentencing him to 15 months in Hedonism down in Nevis, don’t you think? I mean, I know when I get to prison, my dance card will be full. You don’t think Boy George was laughing all the way to the prison-issued-pillow after that sentence?

If you don’t recall last Friday, I re-introduced an “Ass From The Past” (AFTP) segment that isn’t dirty… It’s nostalgic. Started it off with Phoebe Cates emerging from the pool in that iconic red bikini, and today I am gonna look even further back to the original Wonder Woman, Lynda Carter.

Lynda was an All-American broad from Arizona. Half English/half Mexican former Miss USA who was plucked from acting obscurity to play the DC super hero from 1975-1979.

Half English/Half Mexican?… Where the fuck did they meet?

“Hey! After you’re done with my lawn, you wanna get married?”

And no matter how big of a fan I was of the original, that broad who plays her now is arguably even more stunning. I post this so you can see Lynda modern day (66) and the girl who has picked up her magic lasso and ran with it.